Life Needs to Slow Down

April 28, 2008

Probably the toughest thing about being a parent is constantly wondering if you’re doing the right thing. Certainly I can’t be the only mom who has ever wondered if my kids are learning the life skills they’ll need to succeed in life.

Like commitment. Dedication. Dependability.

Nathan’s already wanting to quit guitar – after a mere 3 lessons! And for so long he bugged me about wanting to learn guitar! He just doesn’t like working for something, he wants it to just happen and be easy. Then when I picked him up at his Granny’s house after school, he had the nerve to tell me he wanted contact lenses.

The poor kid inherited my eyesight. All my brothers and sisters, my mom, and nearly everyone on her side of the family, is nearsighted. Nathan’s Dad has never had glasses or corrective lenses of any kind. Of all the better qualities he could have inherited from me, he got my eyesight! He got his first pair of glasses in kindergarten and will be wearing “coke-bottle” glasses by middle school. He would, that is, if technology had not yet invented thin lenses for very nearsighted vision.

I promptly told him that contact lenses require a lot of responsibility and dedication, and I’ve never seen him committed or dedicated to anything. Case in point, the guitar. Too, he wanted to learn karate last year, then got tired of it after 6 months. And he’s in danger of failing his reading class because he can’t commit himself to reading a library book.

So, what is he going to do, after taking care of contact lenses for a week, say he’s tired of it and wants to go back to glasses? Nope, not gonna happen.

The other day he said everyone in his class has a cell phone except him, and today it was everybody’s got a Wii except him. Well, to that I say, too bad; be grateful for what you do have. Nathan doesn’t even keep his homework done most of the time, then lies about it. Since he was a toddler I’ve tried to teach him, if you don’t show responsibility then I can’t give you any privileges.

I’m frustrated that I can’t spend enough time to Nathan and pay attention to his schooling and stuff, like I ought to and like I WANT to. I guess I'm a victim of my generation! Why is it that as parents of our generation, we constantly feel guilty that we can't do everything perfectly?

I shouldn't feel guilty; I have to work. I’m a single parent, so that part of my life is non-negotiable. When he was younger we would create eggshell mosaics or make homemade silly putty. We used to go to parks, museums, concerts and plays (family-friendly, of course). We would play board games like Mancala or Chess or Monopoly.

Suddenly everything changed and it was no longer “cool” to hang out with Mom. When he was 8 I’d give him his bath and read to him afterward! When he was 9 he took a shower BY HIMSELF and I was not allowed in the bathroom with him. I knew that one day he’d start pushing me away.

I feel so distanced from him now.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot how that life is going by just too fast. Nathan will be finishing up 5th grade next month and will be a big middle-schooler next year. He’ll only be there 3 years before he enters high school. Three years is nothing. I barely remember 2nd grade in Mrs. Laramie’s room. Third, fourth, and fifth grades have flown by. Life is a jumble of the 5-day a week work routine, looking forward to resting each weekend, paying bills and looking forward to the next payday.

Life needs to slow down. I’m missing too much.