April 3, 2008
There was a story on the news the other day about Representative Sally Kern (R) speaking out at the Capitol, against homosexuality, likening it to terrorism.
"Studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted more than, you know, a few decades. So it's the death knell of this country. I honestly think it's the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam — which I think is a big threat, okay? Cause what's happening now is they are going after, in schools, two-year olds...And this stuff is deadly, and it's spreading, and it will destroy our young people, it will destroy this nation."
A bit extreme, to be sure. But what I think is a much more serious problem -- and a MUCH BIGGER THREAT to our society -- is spousal abuse. Do we hear the legislators and lawmakers speak out against spousal abuse? Of course not! No one speaks out against that. I have not once in my life heard any person, young or old, Democratic or Republican, male or female, homo or hetero, speak out against the legitimacy of an abuser marrying an abusee.
Those against homosexuality state (correctly) that the Bible condemns it. Leviticus 20:13 says, "If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death." They also assert (correctly) that God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman.
True, but God certainly never intended man to abuse his wife either physically, verbally, emotionally, or otherwise. No, he was told to LOVE his wife. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." Colossians 3:19 likewise says, "Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them."
But do you hear anyone jumping up and down about what the Bible says about that? Of course not.
My mother was a victim of physical, verbal, emotional, and probably every other type of abuse. She endured years of low self-esteem to the point of feeling suicidal, because she never got any measure of praise from her husband. And you think THAT is not deleterious to society?
She was a good wife to him. We children saw her cook his breakfast and iron his work clothes every morning. We watched as she did laundry, shopped for groceries, cooked dinner, cleaned bathrooms, dusted furniture, vacuumed floors, washed windows -- for seven people. But we never once heard our dad telling her, "This is a great dinner." "You look wonderful." "Wow, the house looks great!" "Why don't you take a nap while I watch the kids." No, we never heard him say those things, but we did hear him tell her, often, that no matter what she did or said, it was wrong.
My mom always tried her best to please her husband. But nothing was ever good enough. She settled for simply not being yelled at.
How did their abusive marriage affect us, the six children? We all got into bad marriages because we had no clear example of what a good marriage should be. We had no idea how to choose a proper mate. My siblings and I each found ourselves married to spouses who were either power-hungry or power-less. We didn't marry equals. We had no idea what being equal meant. Each of us wound up divorced.
Granted, we also learned from our mistakes and eventually found ourselves in healthy, wholesome marriages.
Then of course there are the grandchildren to consider. Nearly all of the grandkids have one or more step-parents. Nearly all of them split their time between two homes, as my siblings and I try desperately to correct what went wrong all those years.
For years I've heard those who protest divorce, saying that couples should "stick together" and "work it out." Christian Fundamentalists cite Malachi 2:15-16: "But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce..."
Where are those protesters when the abusive marriage happens in the first place? Where are the legislators, the lawmakers, the Fundamentalists, when a naive young girl agrees to marry a domineering man? When the husband is abusing his wife (or vice versa)? How can a minister, or judge, or any other person authorized to perform a marriage, do so in good conscience if he has reason to believe, for whatever reason, that the two will not grow together as husband and wife? If he sees that the relationship is anything but healthy?
I don't have answers to any of those questions. But I do think it's time we, as a society, looked at some other facets of the human existence. Sally Kern had some pretty strong words, speaking out against homosexuality. I wonder if she would speak out as strongly against spousal abuse.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Fiasco, Continued
March 24, 2008 continued
Our new memory-foam mattress was to be delivered, we were promised, between 1:00 and 3:00 the next day -- Saturday. Fantastic, I thought; what timely service! And I didn't have to schedule any time off work. Soon our purchase would be complete and life would be good.
Or so I thought. Saturday morning after breakfast Joe and I pulled the old mattress and box springs off the bedframe. The deliverymen would take it and dispose of it after delivering our new mattress. We waited for 1:00.
Then we waited some more. Soon it was 2:00. Another hour dragged on and it was 3:00. Where were our guys?
The phone rang. We were sure it would be the deliverymen telling us that they are on their way, or maybe that they were running a few minutes behind. No, it was the warehouse manager saying that our delivery was rescheduled for after 5:00.
5:00?? Knowing that a lot earlier would have been nice, before we wasted a whole afternoon waiting at home. It was a beautiful spring day, and we could have been out somewhere enjoying the sunshine.
Oh well, we thought, at least the store was considerate enough to call us. We waited some more.
The truck arrived around 7:00 or 7:30. Finally! Although we were weary from waiting we were elated that the waiting was finally over! The deliverymen found first our foundation, then our mattress, from among the conglomeration of other furniture items in their truck, pulled them out, and dutifully carried each piece into our house.
Each worker stood on a side of the bedframe. The first man tilted the long side of the upright mattress toward the second man, who caught it so that they could both gently position the mattress upon the rails. Down the mattress went...
...onto rails that were too small. What? I thought that "queen size" rails were universal, and that any brand of mattress would fit on a set of rails!
I've had this bed for probably 20 years. It's a Kincaid. It was the first furniture purchase I ever made in my life. I adored cherry wood furniture and was in love with the old Victorian-style designs. Young and full of ideals, I was determined to have solid wood and a quality brand name no matter what the price, not some cheap discount store/pressboard gig. I don't remember the name of the model I finally bought, but I do remember finding it at a Jernigan's Warehouse Sale in Chattanooga back in the late eighties.
The headboard and footboard set came with slats for both full-size and queen-size rails. When I was single I bought a full-size mattress and full-size rails. When my first husband and I got married we bought a queen-size mattress and queen-size rails.
I still have the queen-size rails we bought in the early nineties. Well, obviously, mattress styles have changed in the past 15 years. Joe and I would have to buy a new set of rails.
The deliverymen left our mattress and foundation with us as they went on to finish their deliveries for the evening. We rested the pieces against the foyer wall as we pondered whether to go ahead to the furniture store that evening (it was after 8:00 and we weren't sure when the store closed) or just wait until Sunday and sleep on the floor Saturday night. At that point I would have gladly slept on the floor.
After calling the store to confirm their hours, and to confirm that they even had a set of queen-size rails in stock, we decided to go ahead and trot down to the furniture store and pick up the rails. The warehouse had them ready when we got there.
We paid for them and tiredly drove back to the house. Joe installed the rails. Great, we thought, we'll be sleeping on our new mattress tonight!
As Joe worked away I happened to look at the label. The label on the mattress and foundation, that is. The model name was "Apollo." I thought we had picked out an "Athena." I checked the invoice. Sure enough, we purchased an "Athena." We were given the wrong mattress set.
Oh no, not one more snag. Was this ever going to end? I was starting to think that it just wasn't meant to be for us to have a new mattress!
Well, you know what we did? After calling the store manager and telling him our problem, we loaded the wrong mattress, plastic wrap and all, onto the new rails, and slept on it for the night. Oh, it was noisy -- every time one of us moved, the plastic covering crackled. But at that point we were NOT going to sleep on the floor!
Finally the following Tuesday we were delivered an "Athena" and the deliverymen hauled away the "Apollo." I wound up taking time off work after all, but I lay on our new mattress for a solid hour that afternoon, enjoying our purchase. This strange and bumpy experience had finally come to a happy end!
Our new memory-foam mattress was to be delivered, we were promised, between 1:00 and 3:00 the next day -- Saturday. Fantastic, I thought; what timely service! And I didn't have to schedule any time off work. Soon our purchase would be complete and life would be good.
Or so I thought. Saturday morning after breakfast Joe and I pulled the old mattress and box springs off the bedframe. The deliverymen would take it and dispose of it after delivering our new mattress. We waited for 1:00.
Then we waited some more. Soon it was 2:00. Another hour dragged on and it was 3:00. Where were our guys?
The phone rang. We were sure it would be the deliverymen telling us that they are on their way, or maybe that they were running a few minutes behind. No, it was the warehouse manager saying that our delivery was rescheduled for after 5:00.
5:00?? Knowing that a lot earlier would have been nice, before we wasted a whole afternoon waiting at home. It was a beautiful spring day, and we could have been out somewhere enjoying the sunshine.
Oh well, we thought, at least the store was considerate enough to call us. We waited some more.
The truck arrived around 7:00 or 7:30. Finally! Although we were weary from waiting we were elated that the waiting was finally over! The deliverymen found first our foundation, then our mattress, from among the conglomeration of other furniture items in their truck, pulled them out, and dutifully carried each piece into our house.
Each worker stood on a side of the bedframe. The first man tilted the long side of the upright mattress toward the second man, who caught it so that they could both gently position the mattress upon the rails. Down the mattress went...
...onto rails that were too small. What? I thought that "queen size" rails were universal, and that any brand of mattress would fit on a set of rails!
I've had this bed for probably 20 years. It's a Kincaid. It was the first furniture purchase I ever made in my life. I adored cherry wood furniture and was in love with the old Victorian-style designs. Young and full of ideals, I was determined to have solid wood and a quality brand name no matter what the price, not some cheap discount store/pressboard gig. I don't remember the name of the model I finally bought, but I do remember finding it at a Jernigan's Warehouse Sale in Chattanooga back in the late eighties.
The headboard and footboard set came with slats for both full-size and queen-size rails. When I was single I bought a full-size mattress and full-size rails. When my first husband and I got married we bought a queen-size mattress and queen-size rails.
I still have the queen-size rails we bought in the early nineties. Well, obviously, mattress styles have changed in the past 15 years. Joe and I would have to buy a new set of rails.
The deliverymen left our mattress and foundation with us as they went on to finish their deliveries for the evening. We rested the pieces against the foyer wall as we pondered whether to go ahead to the furniture store that evening (it was after 8:00 and we weren't sure when the store closed) or just wait until Sunday and sleep on the floor Saturday night. At that point I would have gladly slept on the floor.
After calling the store to confirm their hours, and to confirm that they even had a set of queen-size rails in stock, we decided to go ahead and trot down to the furniture store and pick up the rails. The warehouse had them ready when we got there.
We paid for them and tiredly drove back to the house. Joe installed the rails. Great, we thought, we'll be sleeping on our new mattress tonight!
As Joe worked away I happened to look at the label. The label on the mattress and foundation, that is. The model name was "Apollo." I thought we had picked out an "Athena." I checked the invoice. Sure enough, we purchased an "Athena." We were given the wrong mattress set.
Oh no, not one more snag. Was this ever going to end? I was starting to think that it just wasn't meant to be for us to have a new mattress!
Well, you know what we did? After calling the store manager and telling him our problem, we loaded the wrong mattress, plastic wrap and all, onto the new rails, and slept on it for the night. Oh, it was noisy -- every time one of us moved, the plastic covering crackled. But at that point we were NOT going to sleep on the floor!
Finally the following Tuesday we were delivered an "Athena" and the deliverymen hauled away the "Apollo." I wound up taking time off work after all, but I lay on our new mattress for a solid hour that afternoon, enjoying our purchase. This strange and bumpy experience had finally come to a happy end!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday Fiasco
March 24, 2008
I took Friday off with hopes to get a ton of stuff done – and well, I did get some things done. But we got stuck in an F-5 fiasco that wouldn't go away! (For you non-Okies, the "F" scale is how we categorize tornadoes. An F-5 is the most violent.)
Joe was off for Good Friday, so we had lunch together at Café Do Brasil in Midtown at 11th & Walker. It's one of the (many) northside restaurants that I've been wanting to introduce Joe to. I had a broccoli-cheese quiche with spinach-strawberry salad, and he had a spicy tuna-patty sandwich. Good food, good service, good atmosphere. Good start to our afternoon together.
We strolled down to Kaiser’s for dessert – Kaiser’s, on 11th Street, is an old ice cream parlour from 1918. It is so quaint: black & white tiled floors, a 50s-style Coca-Cola dispenser, a pianist, and the high, sculptured ceiling so typical of turn-of-the-century buildings. I had a chocolate-mint milkshake that filled 3 glasses full. There’s my calorie intake for the next week and a half!
Afterwards it was off to Suited for Success off Meridian, to donate clothes which have been hanging in my closet for a year or more. According to their website, "Suited For Success provides professional clothing and career development services to low-income women who have completed a job training or job readiness program and are actively seeking employment." The charity provides a necessary service to women in need, and I've been contributing to them for a number of years. It's a charity I believe in.
The afternoon was proving to be not just fun but productive too.
Then, it was off to Factory Direct Furniture & Bed to look for a mattress. That's when the fun began! I was in the market for a queen-size…and boy, did it turn out to be a fiasco! I had no problem picking out a mattress that I liked. I had planned to pay for the purchase with my credit card then pay off the card as soon as my tax refund came in. Well, of course I had to show my identification. That's when the clerk pointed out that my driver's license was EXPIRED. Therefore they couldn't use it for identification.
I thought I'd write a check for the down payment then finance the balance. That didn't help -- my ID had to be current in order to write a check and sign a promissory note, too.
I was running out of options. My bank had a branch just down the block and across the street from the furniture store. The ATM will only allow $200 to be withdrawn in a day and I needed to withdraw $400. So I'd have to go inside, where surely the teller would ask for my ID. She did, but either didn't notice or didn't mind that my driver's license was past the expiration date. Whew! I had my down payment.
We raced back to Factory Direct to give them the cash, but I still had to update my license in order to sign the promissory note. The clerk was nice enough to complete the paperwork to the point where all I would have to do is show my ID and sign the papers when I came back.
Factory Direct closed at 6:00. It was after 4:00 already. There's a new law in Oklahoma that says if your driver's license has expired, you have to present your ORIGINAL birth certificate in order to renew it. I was born 5 states away! My mom probably has my birth certificate tucked away in her files somewhere!
Oh, no she doesn't. She gave it to me for my own keeping, many years ago. Thankfully this was one less thing to worry with.
In Oklahoma we can get our driver's license at any Tag Agency. But, with the new "original birth certificate law," I had to visit an agency who has in their employ a person certified to authenticate the birth certificate. Yukon has two.
And they both close at 5:00. After leaving the furniture store we raced back home in Yukon to retrieve my birth certificate. Then we pulled into one of the two eligible tag agencies, only to discover that the "certified authenticator" was gone for the day.
We drove down the road and around the corner to the other agency. It was past 4:30 and I was praying that their "authenticator" had not left yet. She hadn't. Thank goodness! I paid the fee, had my picture taken, took my new license and off we raced BACK to the furniture store to sign the promissory note.
Finally we could breathe a sigh of relief! The mattress was scheduled to be delivered within 24 hours. But that wasn't the end of our story.
I took Friday off with hopes to get a ton of stuff done – and well, I did get some things done. But we got stuck in an F-5 fiasco that wouldn't go away! (For you non-Okies, the "F" scale is how we categorize tornadoes. An F-5 is the most violent.)
Joe was off for Good Friday, so we had lunch together at Café Do Brasil in Midtown at 11th & Walker. It's one of the (many) northside restaurants that I've been wanting to introduce Joe to. I had a broccoli-cheese quiche with spinach-strawberry salad, and he had a spicy tuna-patty sandwich. Good food, good service, good atmosphere. Good start to our afternoon together.
We strolled down to Kaiser’s for dessert – Kaiser’s, on 11th Street, is an old ice cream parlour from 1918. It is so quaint: black & white tiled floors, a 50s-style Coca-Cola dispenser, a pianist, and the high, sculptured ceiling so typical of turn-of-the-century buildings. I had a chocolate-mint milkshake that filled 3 glasses full. There’s my calorie intake for the next week and a half!
Afterwards it was off to Suited for Success off Meridian, to donate clothes which have been hanging in my closet for a year or more. According to their website, "Suited For Success provides professional clothing and career development services to low-income women who have completed a job training or job readiness program and are actively seeking employment." The charity provides a necessary service to women in need, and I've been contributing to them for a number of years. It's a charity I believe in.
The afternoon was proving to be not just fun but productive too.
Then, it was off to Factory Direct Furniture & Bed to look for a mattress. That's when the fun began! I was in the market for a queen-size…and boy, did it turn out to be a fiasco! I had no problem picking out a mattress that I liked. I had planned to pay for the purchase with my credit card then pay off the card as soon as my tax refund came in. Well, of course I had to show my identification. That's when the clerk pointed out that my driver's license was EXPIRED. Therefore they couldn't use it for identification.
I thought I'd write a check for the down payment then finance the balance. That didn't help -- my ID had to be current in order to write a check and sign a promissory note, too.
I was running out of options. My bank had a branch just down the block and across the street from the furniture store. The ATM will only allow $200 to be withdrawn in a day and I needed to withdraw $400. So I'd have to go inside, where surely the teller would ask for my ID. She did, but either didn't notice or didn't mind that my driver's license was past the expiration date. Whew! I had my down payment.
We raced back to Factory Direct to give them the cash, but I still had to update my license in order to sign the promissory note. The clerk was nice enough to complete the paperwork to the point where all I would have to do is show my ID and sign the papers when I came back.
Factory Direct closed at 6:00. It was after 4:00 already. There's a new law in Oklahoma that says if your driver's license has expired, you have to present your ORIGINAL birth certificate in order to renew it. I was born 5 states away! My mom probably has my birth certificate tucked away in her files somewhere!
Oh, no she doesn't. She gave it to me for my own keeping, many years ago. Thankfully this was one less thing to worry with.
In Oklahoma we can get our driver's license at any Tag Agency. But, with the new "original birth certificate law," I had to visit an agency who has in their employ a person certified to authenticate the birth certificate. Yukon has two.
And they both close at 5:00. After leaving the furniture store we raced back home in Yukon to retrieve my birth certificate. Then we pulled into one of the two eligible tag agencies, only to discover that the "certified authenticator" was gone for the day.
We drove down the road and around the corner to the other agency. It was past 4:30 and I was praying that their "authenticator" had not left yet. She hadn't. Thank goodness! I paid the fee, had my picture taken, took my new license and off we raced BACK to the furniture store to sign the promissory note.
Finally we could breathe a sigh of relief! The mattress was scheduled to be delivered within 24 hours. But that wasn't the end of our story.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Funny How Life Turns Out
March 7, 2008
I didn't want to write about this, partly because it's pretty personal, but also because it's such a painful subject that I wish would just go away. But I want to paint a true-to-life picture of what being 40 and in a new relationship is all about.
At this age, most if not all of us have some sort of ghost in our past that will haunt us possibly for the rest of our lives. And at 40, we come to realize that no one is perfect and no one is going to fill all our needs. If we haven't already, we must learn to accept what is and move forward, making the best we can with what we have.
With that, I'll share the highlights of this painful part of our lives, without going into too many gory details.
Joe had a mediation today (I guess that's what you call it – they didn't actually go to court) regarding a financial obligation due a previous spouse. He and his attorney were in session for nearly 4 hours, until Joe finally called me with the verdict.
He has been ordered to pay $650/month for 3 years ($23,000 or so) plus $12,500 in interest. The interest will be paid via his tax refunds, which he says are pretty healthy because he claims his kids in California as dependents.
I think I would absolutely die if I was told I owed somebody $35,000.
It has me fairly shaken up, although I don't know why. Joe and I aren’t connected in any legal way – meaning we don’t share bank accounts and I legally have no financial obligations to him, debt or other – but this does affect me. If he can’t pay and has to go to jail, I have to decide whether I want to stay in the relationship. I love him and am his friend and want to always be there for him, but more important than anything I have an 11-year old son to think of. I don’t want him mixed up in this at all.
Too, if Joe has to declare bankruptcy, I have to decide whether I want to stay in the relationship for professional reasons. I am a CPA -- a finance professional -- and self-righteous though it may sound, marrying someone with a bankruptcy on his record could hurt me professionally.
Joe is looking at the bright side: In 3 years this will be over. Too, he's glad he hasn't already bought a house, because would lose it for sure if he had.
I used to say I wouldn't get involved with anyone who isn't financially stable! Funny how life turns out sometimes. He was telling me this morning how he wants to change careers and do something less physical. He talks about engineering or designing (machines & equipment and stuff), and the military would pay for the schooling. So who knows, I'm not putting my faith in anything or making any premature plans, but in the end things just might work out.
I didn't want to write about this, partly because it's pretty personal, but also because it's such a painful subject that I wish would just go away. But I want to paint a true-to-life picture of what being 40 and in a new relationship is all about.
At this age, most if not all of us have some sort of ghost in our past that will haunt us possibly for the rest of our lives. And at 40, we come to realize that no one is perfect and no one is going to fill all our needs. If we haven't already, we must learn to accept what is and move forward, making the best we can with what we have.
With that, I'll share the highlights of this painful part of our lives, without going into too many gory details.
Joe had a mediation today (I guess that's what you call it – they didn't actually go to court) regarding a financial obligation due a previous spouse. He and his attorney were in session for nearly 4 hours, until Joe finally called me with the verdict.
He has been ordered to pay $650/month for 3 years ($23,000 or so) plus $12,500 in interest. The interest will be paid via his tax refunds, which he says are pretty healthy because he claims his kids in California as dependents.
I think I would absolutely die if I was told I owed somebody $35,000.
It has me fairly shaken up, although I don't know why. Joe and I aren’t connected in any legal way – meaning we don’t share bank accounts and I legally have no financial obligations to him, debt or other – but this does affect me. If he can’t pay and has to go to jail, I have to decide whether I want to stay in the relationship. I love him and am his friend and want to always be there for him, but more important than anything I have an 11-year old son to think of. I don’t want him mixed up in this at all.
Too, if Joe has to declare bankruptcy, I have to decide whether I want to stay in the relationship for professional reasons. I am a CPA -- a finance professional -- and self-righteous though it may sound, marrying someone with a bankruptcy on his record could hurt me professionally.
Joe is looking at the bright side: In 3 years this will be over. Too, he's glad he hasn't already bought a house, because would lose it for sure if he had.
I used to say I wouldn't get involved with anyone who isn't financially stable! Funny how life turns out sometimes. He was telling me this morning how he wants to change careers and do something less physical. He talks about engineering or designing (machines & equipment and stuff), and the military would pay for the schooling. So who knows, I'm not putting my faith in anything or making any premature plans, but in the end things just might work out.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Like Family to Me
March 6, 2008Nathan has taken to Joe so well. He really identifies with him. I'm so glad! As a single parent you never quite know how your child is going to get along with a new boyfriend (or girlfriend, for that matter).
We were in Lowe's once, and I need to go down one aisle, while Joe needed to look down another aisle. When we asked Nathan which one of us he wanted to go with, he said to Joe, "I'll go with you, 'cuz we're MEN." I'm starting to wonder if maybe he's desperate for male attention because he's around his Granny and me so much!
He gets along well with Joe's mom, Fern, too (as do I). She's such a "mom." Joe, Nathan, and I spent the night at her house once a few weeks ago, and she made Joe sleep on the floor while I slept on the couch. It was no big deal to me, but she declared, "I have to practi
ce what I preach!"You gotta respect a lady who doesn't bend her rules even for 40-somethings!
Joe had the perfect comeback: "If mom can't get her groove on, ain't NOBODY gettin' their groove on!" Silly.
Fern told me that night, that when Joe moved home from San Diego after retiring from the Navy, she agreed to let him live there, but with her conditions. I asked, "Like what?"
"Do you really want to know?" she countered. Yes! I wanted to know! "He could stay here but he wasn't to bring any of his women over here!" I was laughing out loud! What a telling comment. Wow, he must have been a hound-dog in his day!
I had quite the laugh about that, because she doesn't seem to mind my being over there. Joe said I should feel realllly special, getting to spend the night at his mom's house. He said recently that she had remarked, "That girl must love you an awful lot; I haven't scared her off yet." And I'm like, Huh? Apparently she has "scared off" his girlfriends before, but I can't imagine why. She has her rules, as any good mom should -- so I figure his previous girlfriends just didn't know a good mom when they saw one.
We were at her house watching a movie last weekend, and I was so tired, I laid over on Joe's lap and slept during most of it. He told me a day or so later, "Mom said she felt very complimented the other night, when you feel asleep over there." I guess it made her feel good that I felt comfortable enough to doze off in her home. She and Joe are both like family to me.
We're Partners (and I'm Not a Moocher!)
February 27, 2008
I think Joe got his feelings hurt when I paid for dinner Sunday. He always pays. He paid for our $160 valentine dinner at The Melting Pot, and I tried to offer him $80 for my half. I don’t like him spending a lot of money on me, especially with his other financial obligations. He refused the $80, but I found another way to pay him back.
We had Sunday dinner at Cracker Barrel. When the check came, he had to go to the restroom so gave me his debit card to pay with. While he was there I quietly put his card aside and paid for dinner with my own debit card!
He was clearly upset that I paid. But the check was only about $30 and besides, I told him, I’m not a moocher. He doesn’t have to pay for everything. But, he takes his role as provider very seriously and fully expects and plans to pay when we go out. He likes to take care of me, he says, which of course I love and appreciate. But again, I’m not a moocher.
Also I told him I’m not lazy. While he was doing dishes the other day I started to take the trash out. I mean, the trashcan was full and it needed taken to the garbage. He said, “That’s OK, dear, I’ll get it.” And of course I appreciate everything he does. But there’s no reason I can’t get it (besides, I was afraid the cat was going to knock it over and get trash everywhere), and what am I going to do? Just sit on the couch while he does everything?
No, maybe other women will do that, but not me. I prefer that we work together when it comes to chores, rather than keeping some kind of mental score as to who does what. We are a TEAM, we are PARTNERS.
I think Joe got his feelings hurt when I paid for dinner Sunday. He always pays. He paid for our $160 valentine dinner at The Melting Pot, and I tried to offer him $80 for my half. I don’t like him spending a lot of money on me, especially with his other financial obligations. He refused the $80, but I found another way to pay him back.
We had Sunday dinner at Cracker Barrel. When the check came, he had to go to the restroom so gave me his debit card to pay with. While he was there I quietly put his card aside and paid for dinner with my own debit card!
He was clearly upset that I paid. But the check was only about $30 and besides, I told him, I’m not a moocher. He doesn’t have to pay for everything. But, he takes his role as provider very seriously and fully expects and plans to pay when we go out. He likes to take care of me, he says, which of course I love and appreciate. But again, I’m not a moocher.
Also I told him I’m not lazy. While he was doing dishes the other day I started to take the trash out. I mean, the trashcan was full and it needed taken to the garbage. He said, “That’s OK, dear, I’ll get it.” And of course I appreciate everything he does. But there’s no reason I can’t get it (besides, I was afraid the cat was going to knock it over and get trash everywhere), and what am I going to do? Just sit on the couch while he does everything?
No, maybe other women will do that, but not me. I prefer that we work together when it comes to chores, rather than keeping some kind of mental score as to who does what. We are a TEAM, we are PARTNERS.
A Busy and Stressful Time
February 25, 2008
Wow, I haven’t written in a month. It’s that way this time of the year, for us Statutory Accountants -- too busy to have a life of our own!
Here's a quick background of my company: CompSource Oklahoma is, for all intents and purposes, an insurance company. We are a State Agency, created by Statute in 1933 to provide workers' compensation insurance to Oklahoma employers. We are not-for-profit but operate similarly to a commercial corporation. The company is completely self-funded and receives no appropriations from the State of Oklahoma.
Since CompSource is the "insurer of last resort," we cannot turn down any entity which applies for insurance with us, and as such, we often insure the riskier clients.
Statutory Accounting is what we in the accounting profession refer to as "OCBOA" -- Other Comprehensive Basis of Accounting. A commercial corporation normally employs GAAP accounting, or Generally Accepted Accounting Principles. The focus of GAAP accounting is the bottom line, or net income. The goal is to make a profit and increase shareholder wealth.
Statutory, or STAT, accounting, focuses on solvency. Our goal is to maintain the capital necessary to meet claimant obligations. Regardless of our net income, if we do not have the capital (net assets) available to meet any and all claims at a given time, we are considered insolvent and can no longer operate.
Our deadline for annual reporting to the State is March 1, so from December 31 to March 1, we’re involved in not only month-end reporting for December, but year-end reporting which primarily involves preparation of the Annual Statement. This, among other things, involves preparation of Schedule P, a heavily detailed schedule of our claim activity for the year (and thankfully we only write one line of business – Work Comp – and not numerous Property & Casualty lines).
Adding to the year-end mix, our independent auditors (KPMG, one of the Big 4. Remember when there was the Big 8? Wikipedia says, "..... the "Big Eight"...was reduced to the "Big Five" by a series of mergers. The Big Five became the Big Four after the near-demise of Arthur Andersen in 2002, following its involvement in the Enron Scandal." Such tumultous times in our profession!) pay a visit to study and scrutinize every aspect of our financial activity for the previous year.
Then inevitably comes January month-end, which is important because our Board of Directors meets monthly and we report financial activity at each board meeting. January numbers can't wait for year-end numbers!
So we cram 3-4 months' worth of work into 2 months. It gets to be quite a busy and stressful time! Maybe now though I can breathe a little and write more.
Wow, I haven’t written in a month. It’s that way this time of the year, for us Statutory Accountants -- too busy to have a life of our own!
Here's a quick background of my company: CompSource Oklahoma is, for all intents and purposes, an insurance company. We are a State Agency, created by Statute in 1933 to provide workers' compensation insurance to Oklahoma employers. We are not-for-profit but operate similarly to a commercial corporation. The company is completely self-funded and receives no appropriations from the State of Oklahoma.
Since CompSource is the "insurer of last resort," we cannot turn down any entity which applies for insurance with us, and as such, we often insure the riskier clients.
Statutory Accounting is what we in the accounting profession refer to as "OCBOA" -- Other Comprehensive Basis of Accounting. A commercial corporation normally employs GAAP accounting, or Generally Accepted Accounting Principles. The focus of GAAP accounting is the bottom line, or net income. The goal is to make a profit and increase shareholder wealth.
Statutory, or STAT, accounting, focuses on solvency. Our goal is to maintain the capital necessary to meet claimant obligations. Regardless of our net income, if we do not have the capital (net assets) available to meet any and all claims at a given time, we are considered insolvent and can no longer operate.
Our deadline for annual reporting to the State is March 1, so from December 31 to March 1, we’re involved in not only month-end reporting for December, but year-end reporting which primarily involves preparation of the Annual Statement. This, among other things, involves preparation of Schedule P, a heavily detailed schedule of our claim activity for the year (and thankfully we only write one line of business – Work Comp – and not numerous Property & Casualty lines).
Adding to the year-end mix, our independent auditors (KPMG, one of the Big 4. Remember when there was the Big 8? Wikipedia says, "..... the "Big Eight"...was reduced to the "Big Five" by a series of mergers. The Big Five became the Big Four after the near-demise of Arthur Andersen in 2002, following its involvement in the Enron Scandal." Such tumultous times in our profession!) pay a visit to study and scrutinize every aspect of our financial activity for the previous year.
Then inevitably comes January month-end, which is important because our Board of Directors meets monthly and we report financial activity at each board meeting. January numbers can't wait for year-end numbers!
So we cram 3-4 months' worth of work into 2 months. It gets to be quite a busy and stressful time! Maybe now though I can breathe a little and write more.
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Stock Market and our Economy
January 24, 2008
The economy is in sad shape. The Dow Jones Industrial Average is just over 12,000, down from a peak of 14,000 just a few months ago. It doesn’t seem in any hurry to recover. President George W. Bush has announced a stimulus package, including tax rebates to millions of families. But will it effect a long-term cure? I just want my mutual funds to gain a little back. I invested my Christmas bonus of $1500 and the value has already dropped to $1300.
The market gained a little since yesterday, but has fallen back this afternoon. I read a piece on the Crash of 1929 yesterday – actually it was the transcript of a PBS special. It was so interesting.
Our nation had won WWI and had enjoyed years of prosperity. Everyone was in the stock market; the “movers and shakers” of the era touted the Market as a way that everyone could be rich. The market was going up, up, up, and people were borrowing money to invest ("buying on margin"). No one thought it could end and would only get better. People got complacent and over-confident.
Then for whatever reason the market took a dip. Everyone got scared and sold what they had, which drove prices further down. Soon stocks were worthless.
People are more cautious nowadays. We diversify our investments. And of course more market controls are in place now (such as the Securities Act of 1933, which regulates original issues of securities [commonly known as "IPOs" or Initial Public Offerings]; and the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, which regulates secondary trading of securities).
But, credit is all too easy to procure, and I believe that will be a huge downfall for us. Are we getting complacent and over-confident like our forefathers? Are we due for another crash?
The economy is in sad shape. The Dow Jones Industrial Average is just over 12,000, down from a peak of 14,000 just a few months ago. It doesn’t seem in any hurry to recover. President George W. Bush has announced a stimulus package, including tax rebates to millions of families. But will it effect a long-term cure? I just want my mutual funds to gain a little back. I invested my Christmas bonus of $1500 and the value has already dropped to $1300.
The market gained a little since yesterday, but has fallen back this afternoon. I read a piece on the Crash of 1929 yesterday – actually it was the transcript of a PBS special. It was so interesting.
Our nation had won WWI and had enjoyed years of prosperity. Everyone was in the stock market; the “movers and shakers” of the era touted the Market as a way that everyone could be rich. The market was going up, up, up, and people were borrowing money to invest ("buying on margin"). No one thought it could end and would only get better. People got complacent and over-confident.
Then for whatever reason the market took a dip. Everyone got scared and sold what they had, which drove prices further down. Soon stocks were worthless.
People are more cautious nowadays. We diversify our investments. And of course more market controls are in place now (such as the Securities Act of 1933, which regulates original issues of securities [commonly known as "IPOs" or Initial Public Offerings]; and the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, which regulates secondary trading of securities).
But, credit is all too easy to procure, and I believe that will be a huge downfall for us. Are we getting complacent and over-confident like our forefathers? Are we due for another crash?
Unschooling
January 5, 2008
One subject that has captured my interest lately is that of "unschooling." It's a fairly new concept, the term first used in the 1970s by educator John Holt. It's not the same as "homeschooling." Unschooling seeks to abandon the traditional methods of school and teaching, and allow a child to learn in his own way at his own pace.
Unschooling's main philosophy is that children are natural learners. Wikipedia says, "A fundamental premise of unschooling is that curiosity is innate and that children want to learn. From this an argument can be made that institutionalizing children in a so called "one size fits all" or "factory model" school is an inefficient use of the children's time, because it requires each child to learn a specific subject matter in a particular manner, at a particular pace, and at a particular time regardless of that individual's present or future needs, interests, goals, or any pre-existing knowledge he or she might have about the topic.
"Many unschoolers also believe that opportunities for valuable hands-on, community based, spontaneous, and real-world experiences are missed when educational opportunities are largely limited to those which can occur physically inside of a school building."
Why is the concept of unschooling so important to me? My 5th-grade son, Nathan, has a complete lack of motivation for succeeding in school. What gives? Whose son is he? He certainly didn't get that quality from me.
I believe he could benefit from unschooling.
I was asking my friend Kenny recently what he had to say about the subject; that is, motivating boys. He teaches high school (various subjects) so I didn’t know what sort of experience he had with pre-teens. My son is intelligent, creative, and talented, but he just has no motivation in his bones to keep his work done. Staying in during recess doesn’t bother him. Making a D on a test doesn’t bother him.
Kenny said that that’s a continual universal problem in schools, not knowing how to motivate boys ages 13-18. He said he didn’t have any answers, but I was glad to hear I wasn’t alone. I mentioned how that I’ve read that schools are designed for girls. He wholeheartedly agreed with that. Boys aren’t built to sit in desks for an hour at a time and do “sit down” work. Boys are active, visual, and tactile. They are built completely differently than girls.
So. There’s a project for me -- find a new way to teach boys. And maybe….redefine “success.” Maybe success shouldn’t be measured by “90-100 is an A" and failure shouldn't be measured by "anything below a 60 is an F."
This goes back to what I’ve read about “unschooling”: teaching kids to learn for the sake of learning. In the traditional school system, kids are taught to pass tests, to meet certain pre-ordained criteria, not to ENJOY learning. They aren't taught how to think independently. They are taught that success is defined as a number between 1 and 100.
This should be changed.
One subject that has captured my interest lately is that of "unschooling." It's a fairly new concept, the term first used in the 1970s by educator John Holt. It's not the same as "homeschooling." Unschooling seeks to abandon the traditional methods of school and teaching, and allow a child to learn in his own way at his own pace.
Unschooling's main philosophy is that children are natural learners. Wikipedia says, "A fundamental premise of unschooling is that curiosity is innate and that children want to learn. From this an argument can be made that institutionalizing children in a so called "one size fits all" or "factory model" school is an inefficient use of the children's time, because it requires each child to learn a specific subject matter in a particular manner, at a particular pace, and at a particular time regardless of that individual's present or future needs, interests, goals, or any pre-existing knowledge he or she might have about the topic.
"Many unschoolers also believe that opportunities for valuable hands-on, community based, spontaneous, and real-world experiences are missed when educational opportunities are largely limited to those which can occur physically inside of a school building."
Why is the concept of unschooling so important to me? My 5th-grade son, Nathan, has a complete lack of motivation for succeeding in school. What gives? Whose son is he? He certainly didn't get that quality from me.
I believe he could benefit from unschooling.
I was asking my friend Kenny recently what he had to say about the subject; that is, motivating boys. He teaches high school (various subjects) so I didn’t know what sort of experience he had with pre-teens. My son is intelligent, creative, and talented, but he just has no motivation in his bones to keep his work done. Staying in during recess doesn’t bother him. Making a D on a test doesn’t bother him.
Kenny said that that’s a continual universal problem in schools, not knowing how to motivate boys ages 13-18. He said he didn’t have any answers, but I was glad to hear I wasn’t alone. I mentioned how that I’ve read that schools are designed for girls. He wholeheartedly agreed with that. Boys aren’t built to sit in desks for an hour at a time and do “sit down” work. Boys are active, visual, and tactile. They are built completely differently than girls.
So. There’s a project for me -- find a new way to teach boys. And maybe….redefine “success.” Maybe success shouldn’t be measured by “90-100 is an A" and failure shouldn't be measured by "anything below a 60 is an F."
This goes back to what I’ve read about “unschooling”: teaching kids to learn for the sake of learning. In the traditional school system, kids are taught to pass tests, to meet certain pre-ordained criteria, not to ENJOY learning. They aren't taught how to think independently. They are taught that success is defined as a number between 1 and 100.
This should be changed.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Technologically Literate
January 15, 2008
It’s my goal this year (not really a “new year’s resolution”) to get more technologically literate. So in addition to starting a blog, I’ve signed up for a web design class at Canadian Valley Technology Center in El Reno. Ideally I’d like to get to a point where I can work at home via the internet, and set my own schedule so I can be home when Nathan gets home from school, possibly help out at his school, travel more, etc. Who knows where this all will lead.
The web design class started last night; I’m so excited about it! We learned some very basic functions and commands of Dreamweaver, the most popular software program right now thru which to design websites. It’s much different than designing on Word, which is how I first learned to design a webpage many years ago at UCO.
Sometimes I feel so far behind most people, technologically; I just got my first cell phone EVER, 2 months ago. I got my first home computer a year ago. I just recently began online bill-pay. But on the other hand, I am fairly well-versed in Excel and Word and can pick up new applications fairly well. I’ve been doing online banking for years and know how to set up a personal email account. So I’m not completely behind the times. But this is exciting and new!
My thoughts fly back to 1989 when I took my first Lotus 1-2-3 course at Dalton College. We learned spreadsheets on DOS. I was nearly in tears in class one day because I felt I was the only one who didn’t know how to “boot up.” I was working at The Sewing Room as an alterations seamstress, not in an office like I wanted to be, so I didn’t work with computers at all. The extent of my computer experience at the time was a few homework problems in my Accounting Principles class on an old 286 or 386. And, I did learn a little programming in BASIC in high school.
We’ve come a long way since DOS and BASIC and 386’s! I felt so stupid then, but as time went on we all learned how to use computers as second nature, whether we liked it or not. And I imagine now, in a few years I’ll be using Dreamweaver and Flash as easily as I’m using Excel and Word now.
It’s my goal this year (not really a “new year’s resolution”) to get more technologically literate. So in addition to starting a blog, I’ve signed up for a web design class at Canadian Valley Technology Center in El Reno. Ideally I’d like to get to a point where I can work at home via the internet, and set my own schedule so I can be home when Nathan gets home from school, possibly help out at his school, travel more, etc. Who knows where this all will lead.
The web design class started last night; I’m so excited about it! We learned some very basic functions and commands of Dreamweaver, the most popular software program right now thru which to design websites. It’s much different than designing on Word, which is how I first learned to design a webpage many years ago at UCO.
Sometimes I feel so far behind most people, technologically; I just got my first cell phone EVER, 2 months ago. I got my first home computer a year ago. I just recently began online bill-pay. But on the other hand, I am fairly well-versed in Excel and Word and can pick up new applications fairly well. I’ve been doing online banking for years and know how to set up a personal email account. So I’m not completely behind the times. But this is exciting and new!
My thoughts fly back to 1989 when I took my first Lotus 1-2-3 course at Dalton College. We learned spreadsheets on DOS. I was nearly in tears in class one day because I felt I was the only one who didn’t know how to “boot up.” I was working at The Sewing Room as an alterations seamstress, not in an office like I wanted to be, so I didn’t work with computers at all. The extent of my computer experience at the time was a few homework problems in my Accounting Principles class on an old 286 or 386. And, I did learn a little programming in BASIC in high school.
We’ve come a long way since DOS and BASIC and 386’s! I felt so stupid then, but as time went on we all learned how to use computers as second nature, whether we liked it or not. And I imagine now, in a few years I’ll be using Dreamweaver and Flash as easily as I’m using Excel and Word now.
Reassessment - 2
January 2, 2008
I’m at a place in life, in which I find myself from time to time. An urgency to do something different, try something new, make a major change in life.
I’ve been in the accounting field since 1989, when I began an Associate’s degree in Business Administration at Dalton College. That was nearly 20 years ago. I didn’t begin any sort of accounting work, though, until I’d been at Aladdin Mills for 2 years and got into Accounts Payable. Let's see, I took Phil Vaughn’s place in “general accounting” in 1993; I remember that vividly because I was planning my wedding, learning a new job, and training 2 new people in AP all at the same time.
I was in AP for a year before that…so I began work in Accounting in May of 1992. I did clerical accounting up thru July 1998; I was with Fleming Companies here in OKC when I began pursuing my Bachelor’s degree in Accounting at UCO in 1997, a year after Nathan was born. I started professional accounting at Grant Thornton as a Tax Associate, in January 2000, and became certified in August 2003. So – I did clerical accounting work for 6 years. I got a lot of good experience and had good jobs, but I knew I was capable of so much more, and was WORTH more. Money, that is.
I’ve been in professional accounting now for 8 years, over 4 of that as a CPA. And it is time for a change.
I have ideas for books, or stories. First, I’ve always admired the “Little House” series, and have thought about writing something similar, maybe about a child growing up in Oklahoma going on hikes, on camping trips, to museums, on vacations….from his or her point of view (not mine).
Maybe I ought to write about how I could move from Accountant to Writer. "Anatomy of a Writing Career"? Maybe it should be more like “Conception of a Writing Career” or something relating to the pre-birth stage, because it’s not actually hatched yet.
Here's an idea -- “Anatomy of an Accounting Career”! I was an accountant at age 10 and didn’t even know it. I’d count out my dimes, quarters, and dollar bills from my piggy bank, and add up on paper how many of each I had. I’d multiply them out and then reconcile my calculated number with my counted number. I'm still doing that, but now am getting paid for it!
I’m at a place in life, in which I find myself from time to time. An urgency to do something different, try something new, make a major change in life.
I’ve been in the accounting field since 1989, when I began an Associate’s degree in Business Administration at Dalton College. That was nearly 20 years ago. I didn’t begin any sort of accounting work, though, until I’d been at Aladdin Mills for 2 years and got into Accounts Payable. Let's see, I took Phil Vaughn’s place in “general accounting” in 1993; I remember that vividly because I was planning my wedding, learning a new job, and training 2 new people in AP all at the same time.
I was in AP for a year before that…so I began work in Accounting in May of 1992. I did clerical accounting up thru July 1998; I was with Fleming Companies here in OKC when I began pursuing my Bachelor’s degree in Accounting at UCO in 1997, a year after Nathan was born. I started professional accounting at Grant Thornton as a Tax Associate, in January 2000, and became certified in August 2003. So – I did clerical accounting work for 6 years. I got a lot of good experience and had good jobs, but I knew I was capable of so much more, and was WORTH more. Money, that is.
I’ve been in professional accounting now for 8 years, over 4 of that as a CPA. And it is time for a change.
I have ideas for books, or stories. First, I’ve always admired the “Little House” series, and have thought about writing something similar, maybe about a child growing up in Oklahoma going on hikes, on camping trips, to museums, on vacations….from his or her point of view (not mine).
Maybe I ought to write about how I could move from Accountant to Writer. "Anatomy of a Writing Career"? Maybe it should be more like “Conception of a Writing Career” or something relating to the pre-birth stage, because it’s not actually hatched yet.
Here's an idea -- “Anatomy of an Accounting Career”! I was an accountant at age 10 and didn’t even know it. I’d count out my dimes, quarters, and dollar bills from my piggy bank, and add up on paper how many of each I had. I’d multiply them out and then reconcile my calculated number with my counted number. I'm still doing that, but now am getting paid for it!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
A Good Year
December 31, 2007
Today is the last day of 2007. Joe and Nathan are driving up to the office to meet me for lunch. Nathan has had a pretty bad ear infection, which is draining now. I’m feeling a lot better after finally seeing a doctor and getting on Allegra. I don’t feel the drainage which would irritate my chest and throat, like I have been. Not as much anyway. Still coughing some, but the coughs are fewer and further between. I couldn’t believe how much the meds cost. Without insurance I would have had to pay more than double what I did. Thank God for insurance. I don’t buy a lot of meds, so I wasn’t prepared for those prices.
We went to Dennis & Michelle’s party – kind of a year-end party, Dirty Santa-style, though not exactly a New Year’s party and not exactly a Christmas party – Saturday night. Over 40 people were there. I normally can’t deal with crowds that big for very long. But it was OK, it was all the usual people from Tennis, Outdoor Network, and Ski Club. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in months.
Brenda Ballinger was there with a man whom others referred to as her husband. I haven't seen Brenda in years. So she finally got the divorce? We were both separated at the same time a few years ago, both of us procrastinating our divorces. People would harass me for waiting so long, but somehow it was OK that she not only wasn’t pursuing the divorce, but she was traveling out of state to spend time with her husband whom she knew was cheating on her. But then, I never met her husband so this may have been her husband with whom she reconciled. But I doubt it, the way people were talking. If she did get the divorce finally, she sure got into another marriage pretty quickly.
Some people have to be married (like our friend Ted, who was practically engaged to his current wife before his divorce was even final). I don’t get that; I mean, wouldn’t one want to be careful to not make the same mistakes in the second marriage (or third for that matter) that they did in the first? And therefore take some time and wait? But then I have to realize, everyone is different. I can’t make a judgment on what’s right for someone else; only for me.
2007 was a good year; it brought Joe into my life. What will 2008 bring?
Today is the last day of 2007. Joe and Nathan are driving up to the office to meet me for lunch. Nathan has had a pretty bad ear infection, which is draining now. I’m feeling a lot better after finally seeing a doctor and getting on Allegra. I don’t feel the drainage which would irritate my chest and throat, like I have been. Not as much anyway. Still coughing some, but the coughs are fewer and further between. I couldn’t believe how much the meds cost. Without insurance I would have had to pay more than double what I did. Thank God for insurance. I don’t buy a lot of meds, so I wasn’t prepared for those prices.
We went to Dennis & Michelle’s party – kind of a year-end party, Dirty Santa-style, though not exactly a New Year’s party and not exactly a Christmas party – Saturday night. Over 40 people were there. I normally can’t deal with crowds that big for very long. But it was OK, it was all the usual people from Tennis, Outdoor Network, and Ski Club. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in months.
Brenda Ballinger was there with a man whom others referred to as her husband. I haven't seen Brenda in years. So she finally got the divorce? We were both separated at the same time a few years ago, both of us procrastinating our divorces. People would harass me for waiting so long, but somehow it was OK that she not only wasn’t pursuing the divorce, but she was traveling out of state to spend time with her husband whom she knew was cheating on her. But then, I never met her husband so this may have been her husband with whom she reconciled. But I doubt it, the way people were talking. If she did get the divorce finally, she sure got into another marriage pretty quickly.
Some people have to be married (like our friend Ted, who was practically engaged to his current wife before his divorce was even final). I don’t get that; I mean, wouldn’t one want to be careful to not make the same mistakes in the second marriage (or third for that matter) that they did in the first? And therefore take some time and wait? But then I have to realize, everyone is different. I can’t make a judgment on what’s right for someone else; only for me.
2007 was a good year; it brought Joe into my life. What will 2008 bring?
One Day Rather than Another
December 26, 2007
My mother called yesterday after the family Christmas dinner. Apparently Susan, my niece, didn’t get any gifts, and I was the one who drew her name. Not ANYTHING?? Even from the other family members? Mom said my sister Elaine had said she didn’t get anything a few years back and it really hurt her feelings; that may have been the year I drew her name. My response to that is, get over it. Not to be unfeeling, but I don't believe in depending on others -- or on THINGS -- for one's self-esteem. Besides, any adult (any parent) I know would be satisfied just knowing that her kids are happy and have what they want.
Gifts are just things, and Christmas is just a day. Nothing magical about it. I am simply not going to be made to feel guilty because I didn't give someone a "thing" on a certain day.
That would have been Christmas of 2004. I did, later in the year, give Elaine an “Americana” gift to match her bathroom decor. Does it make me a bad person, because I gave the gift on a day other than December 25? Does a gift mean less because it was given on one day rather than another? It shouldn’t.
Hmmm... Whose idea was it to give her a shower for getting custody of her grandsons, this past spring on Mother's Day? Oh yeah, that was me. Now THAT is something to celebrate. I wanted to show how happy I was for her. I wanted the family to come together to show their support for such a big event -- and finally getting custody of the boys IS a big event. I didn't even get to go to the shower. Just the same, I was thrilled for her & her husband, and in my opinion, putting time and thought into an event shows a lot more concern and consideration for a person than spending money on a physical thing.
I wish for others to treat me the same way.
Here's an email I sent to Elaine after Christmas, explaining my thoughts:
Again, sorry everything is late. I'm still not feeling the best, and am finally convinced I should see a doctor. I'm not big on going to doctors, if I can help it, but I've had this chest cough for about 2 months. And, we're supposed to get more snow today.
This time of year is so stressful. Whose bright idea was it to pick this day in the middle of winter -- which, as we know, wasn't even Christ's birthday in the first place -- when weather is generally bad and sickness is generally rampant, to wear ourselves out going from crowded, noisy store to crowded, noisy store so we can buy "things" to give on this arbitrary day, and if we don't, we're bad people?
Here is my opinion: it's just a day, and a gift is just a thing. What's important (to me anyway) is the THOUGHT or FEELING behind the giving. I don't want any of you to ever feel you "have" to get me something just because it's my birthday, or Christmas, or Mother's Day, or whatever. An email or card will suffice. I'm not into "things" or "days," I'm much more interested in the thought or the effort. I wouldn't want anyone wearing themselves out just to meet some man-made deadline. Take care of yourselves and your families first!! There is just nothing I want or need that badly!
I guess I'm up on my soapbox this morning. Christmas can be a lot of fun: the music, the decorations, the parties. But I think we (as a society) put way too much pressure on ourselves. We put way too much importance on what I think are the wrong things. How 'bout if one year we don't buy any gifts at all, and spend our money and time doing something charitable?
My mother called yesterday after the family Christmas dinner. Apparently Susan, my niece, didn’t get any gifts, and I was the one who drew her name. Not ANYTHING?? Even from the other family members? Mom said my sister Elaine had said she didn’t get anything a few years back and it really hurt her feelings; that may have been the year I drew her name. My response to that is, get over it. Not to be unfeeling, but I don't believe in depending on others -- or on THINGS -- for one's self-esteem. Besides, any adult (any parent) I know would be satisfied just knowing that her kids are happy and have what they want.
Gifts are just things, and Christmas is just a day. Nothing magical about it. I am simply not going to be made to feel guilty because I didn't give someone a "thing" on a certain day.
That would have been Christmas of 2004. I did, later in the year, give Elaine an “Americana” gift to match her bathroom decor. Does it make me a bad person, because I gave the gift on a day other than December 25? Does a gift mean less because it was given on one day rather than another? It shouldn’t.
Hmmm... Whose idea was it to give her a shower for getting custody of her grandsons, this past spring on Mother's Day? Oh yeah, that was me. Now THAT is something to celebrate. I wanted to show how happy I was for her. I wanted the family to come together to show their support for such a big event -- and finally getting custody of the boys IS a big event. I didn't even get to go to the shower. Just the same, I was thrilled for her & her husband, and in my opinion, putting time and thought into an event shows a lot more concern and consideration for a person than spending money on a physical thing.
I wish for others to treat me the same way.
Here's an email I sent to Elaine after Christmas, explaining my thoughts:
Again, sorry everything is late. I'm still not feeling the best, and am finally convinced I should see a doctor. I'm not big on going to doctors, if I can help it, but I've had this chest cough for about 2 months. And, we're supposed to get more snow today.
This time of year is so stressful. Whose bright idea was it to pick this day in the middle of winter -- which, as we know, wasn't even Christ's birthday in the first place -- when weather is generally bad and sickness is generally rampant, to wear ourselves out going from crowded, noisy store to crowded, noisy store so we can buy "things" to give on this arbitrary day, and if we don't, we're bad people?
Here is my opinion: it's just a day, and a gift is just a thing. What's important (to me anyway) is the THOUGHT or FEELING behind the giving. I don't want any of you to ever feel you "have" to get me something just because it's my birthday, or Christmas, or Mother's Day, or whatever. An email or card will suffice. I'm not into "things" or "days," I'm much more interested in the thought or the effort. I wouldn't want anyone wearing themselves out just to meet some man-made deadline. Take care of yourselves and your families first!! There is just nothing I want or need that badly!
I guess I'm up on my soapbox this morning. Christmas can be a lot of fun: the music, the decorations, the parties. But I think we (as a society) put way too much pressure on ourselves. We put way too much importance on what I think are the wrong things. How 'bout if one year we don't buy any gifts at all, and spend our money and time doing something charitable?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
An Uneventful Christmas
December 25, 2007
A year ago on Christmas Day 2006 I was reading the book The Thorn Birds. This Christmas Joe gave me the 4-DVD set so I stayed home and watched the movie. I get so lost in the story, it is so romantic and passionate and epic! I remember how reading the book fulfilled my need for passion. That was, of course, before I met Joe. And almost ever since he met me, he’s known I’ve wanted the DVD. Well, he found it. My hero!
Joe stayed with his mother last night, so I watched Parts 1&2 of the movie alone. I awoke at 5:00 this Christmas morning, with the usual problem of coughing and being congested and barely able to breathe, but surprisingly I didn't fall back asleep. Instead I stayed up and watched Part 3. I took time to get a shower, straighten up the livingroom, and cook pancakes before Nathan and his dad came over at 9:00 to open gifts.
They were gone by 10:00. It was a quiet event, not nearly as exciting as opening gifts yesterday with Joe. December 24 is his birthday (he’s 45) so we exchanged gifts with him yesterday. Mike and Nathan had to go back home; Granny was apparently fixing lunch/dinner for them all. That’s fine with me; I got a quiet afternoon to myself!
Joe had Christmas dinner at his step-brother's home. I probably should have gone so I could meet more of his extended family, but I just didn’t feel like getting out and being around people. Instead I curled up with the warm, fuzzy blanket Fern got for me, and watched The Thorn Birds. Even the movie was passionate, nearly as much as the book. I had wanted to watch it with Joe and share the romance with him, but of course, he needs to spend time with his family too.
A Storm of a Different Kind
December 18, 2007
My cough is better, but I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with congestion and a sore throat. Won’t the fates just leave me alone?! It’s like a storm coming in, I can just feel it. You know how you can see a storm coming in, dark clouds looming on the horizon, the air is thick and you can taste the coming rain? That’s just how I feel. I can feel the cold swirling around in my head, not quite settled in yet. But I know it’s going to hit by tomorrow.
Joe is coming over tonight; I’m glad, because my Christmas lights need fixed! He wasn’t quite finished putting them up when the ice storm hit, and the ice and wind knocked some of the lights out of place. Last night he stayed with his mom; she’s feeling lonesome and a little down, he says. She’s widowed and Joe’s her only family, as far as I know. While her power was out (which it was for 5 days) he stayed with her, keeping the house warm and lighted, and taking her out to eat and basically seeing to it that she was taken care of (like a good son should).
I didn’t feel like staying home in spite of my oncoming cold, or sinus infection, or whatever it is. I felt well enough to go sit at my desk rather than sit on the couch watching TV. At lunch Pamela gave me a Theraflu that she had. I drank that, and I feel right as rain now. Oh, it made me a little drowsy. But I feel almost good as new. Maybe I should take my mom's age-old advice and gargle with hot salt water.
My cough is better, but I woke up at 4:00 a.m. with congestion and a sore throat. Won’t the fates just leave me alone?! It’s like a storm coming in, I can just feel it. You know how you can see a storm coming in, dark clouds looming on the horizon, the air is thick and you can taste the coming rain? That’s just how I feel. I can feel the cold swirling around in my head, not quite settled in yet. But I know it’s going to hit by tomorrow.
Joe is coming over tonight; I’m glad, because my Christmas lights need fixed! He wasn’t quite finished putting them up when the ice storm hit, and the ice and wind knocked some of the lights out of place. Last night he stayed with his mom; she’s feeling lonesome and a little down, he says. She’s widowed and Joe’s her only family, as far as I know. While her power was out (which it was for 5 days) he stayed with her, keeping the house warm and lighted, and taking her out to eat and basically seeing to it that she was taken care of (like a good son should).
I didn’t feel like staying home in spite of my oncoming cold, or sinus infection, or whatever it is. I felt well enough to go sit at my desk rather than sit on the couch watching TV. At lunch Pamela gave me a Theraflu that she had. I drank that, and I feel right as rain now. Oh, it made me a little drowsy. But I feel almost good as new. Maybe I should take my mom's age-old advice and gargle with hot salt water.
Ice Storm
December 11, 2007
The office was closed yesterday due to the ice storm, and Yukon Schools have been closed today and yesterday. I was doing fine at the house, up until last night about 9:30. I had heat, power, and food, when suddenly the power went out. Thank goodness for that cell phone! Also thank goodness for a small battery-powered radio of Nathan’s.
I lit several candles and found a few games to play on my cell phone. I went to bed about 10:30, and slept fine until about 4:30 when I woke up coughing and hacking. I had to get up to eat and take some of that generic mucinex – cough suppressant and expectorant. I was wide awake, of course, so I read a few chapters of Moby Dick by flashlight.
I was planning to curl up and get some more sleep, but I called in to the employee message line at work, and found that the office is open and we’re scheduled to work today. Boo! So, I got a shower by candlelight – I guess my hot water tank still had enough hot water in it for another shower. Thing is, though, I had no way to dry my hair!
I had a couple bowls of cereal for breakfast, then packed up my straightening iron and curling iron for work, along with lunch, and headed out. My car was parked in the garage to keep it from the ice, and of course the garage door operates by electric. How was I going to open the garage door and get to work? No worries; I figured out how to use the manual release. The builder told me about it when I first moved into the house, but this is the first time I’ve had to use it.
The drive down 39th Street was uneventful. I chose not to take I-40 because it can be so unpredictable, especially in bad weather. The work day has been as normal, except that people are dressed down for the weather (not to mention lack of electricity which means no showers).
It was raining this morning (as it has been most of the day), so the temp must be above 32°. I’ve tried calling my home phone a few times, but the message machine isn’t picking up so I guess the power hasn’t come back on yet. It is going to be so COLD when I get home. My poor cat is probably wondering what’s going on. She has knocked down a ball (Christmas ornament) from our tree and was playing with it like a cat-toy this morning. It was so cute!
I emailed my folks yesterday (while I still had power) and sent them pictures of my plants covered with ice, to let them know what’s going on and that we were fine. My brother David called this morning to check on us. Oklahoma City made the national news! It’s the worst ice storm in the state’s history. It’s in the 70s in Georgia. They better enjoy their nice weather; this storm will move east and they’ll be cold before too long!
I’m not worried much, about being cold or out of electricity or whatever. It’ll only be for a few days, and I’ve been through this sort of thing before. Plus, it’s not much different from camping. But you know, of all the camping equipment I have, I don’t have a cookstove or anything like that! We always just build a fire, when we camp. That’s what I need to get – some more camping equipment. Such as, an air mattress or two. And a set of binoculars (an inexpensive set, not like the kind my dad had). And a cookstove or something at least to heat water on.
The office was closed yesterday due to the ice storm, and Yukon Schools have been closed today and yesterday. I was doing fine at the house, up until last night about 9:30. I had heat, power, and food, when suddenly the power went out. Thank goodness for that cell phone! Also thank goodness for a small battery-powered radio of Nathan’s.
I lit several candles and found a few games to play on my cell phone. I went to bed about 10:30, and slept fine until about 4:30 when I woke up coughing and hacking. I had to get up to eat and take some of that generic mucinex – cough suppressant and expectorant. I was wide awake, of course, so I read a few chapters of Moby Dick by flashlight.
I was planning to curl up and get some more sleep, but I called in to the employee message line at work, and found that the office is open and we’re scheduled to work today. Boo! So, I got a shower by candlelight – I guess my hot water tank still had enough hot water in it for another shower. Thing is, though, I had no way to dry my hair!
I had a couple bowls of cereal for breakfast, then packed up my straightening iron and curling iron for work, along with lunch, and headed out. My car was parked in the garage to keep it from the ice, and of course the garage door operates by electric. How was I going to open the garage door and get to work? No worries; I figured out how to use the manual release. The builder told me about it when I first moved into the house, but this is the first time I’ve had to use it.
The drive down 39th Street was uneventful. I chose not to take I-40 because it can be so unpredictable, especially in bad weather. The work day has been as normal, except that people are dressed down for the weather (not to mention lack of electricity which means no showers).
It was raining this morning (as it has been most of the day), so the temp must be above 32°. I’ve tried calling my home phone a few times, but the message machine isn’t picking up so I guess the power hasn’t come back on yet. It is going to be so COLD when I get home. My poor cat is probably wondering what’s going on. She has knocked down a ball (Christmas ornament) from our tree and was playing with it like a cat-toy this morning. It was so cute!
I emailed my folks yesterday (while I still had power) and sent them pictures of my plants covered with ice, to let them know what’s going on and that we were fine. My brother David called this morning to check on us. Oklahoma City made the national news! It’s the worst ice storm in the state’s history. It’s in the 70s in Georgia. They better enjoy their nice weather; this storm will move east and they’ll be cold before too long!
I’m not worried much, about being cold or out of electricity or whatever. It’ll only be for a few days, and I’ve been through this sort of thing before. Plus, it’s not much different from camping. But you know, of all the camping equipment I have, I don’t have a cookstove or anything like that! We always just build a fire, when we camp. That’s what I need to get – some more camping equipment. Such as, an air mattress or two. And a set of binoculars (an inexpensive set, not like the kind my dad had). And a cookstove or something at least to heat water on.
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