Funny How Life Turns Out

March 7, 2008

I didn't want to write about this, partly because it's pretty personal, but also because it's such a painful subject that I wish would just go away. But I want to paint a true-to-life picture of what being 40 and in a new relationship is all about.

At this age, most if not all of us have some sort of ghost in our past that will haunt us possibly for the rest of our lives. And at 40, we come to realize that no one is perfect and no one is going to fill all our needs. If we haven't already, we must learn to accept what is and move forward, making the best we can with what we have.

With that, I'll share the highlights of this painful part of our lives, without going into too many gory details.

Joe had a mediation today (I guess that's what you call it – they didn't actually go to court) regarding a financial obligation due a previous spouse. He and his attorney were in session for nearly 4 hours, until Joe finally called me with the verdict.

He has been ordered to pay $650/month for 3 years ($23,000 or so) plus $12,500 in interest. The interest will be paid via his tax refunds, which he says are pretty healthy because he claims his kids in California as dependents.

I think I would absolutely die if I was told I owed somebody $35,000.

It has me fairly shaken up, although I don't know why. Joe and I aren’t connected in any legal way – meaning we don’t share bank accounts and I legally have no financial obligations to him, debt or other – but this does affect me. If he can’t pay and has to go to jail, I have to decide whether I want to stay in the relationship. I love him and am his friend and want to always be there for him, but more important than anything I have an 11-year old son to think of. I don’t want him mixed up in this at all.

Too, if Joe has to declare bankruptcy, I have to decide whether I want to stay in the relationship for professional reasons. I am a CPA -- a finance professional -- and self-righteous though it may sound, marrying someone with a bankruptcy on his record could hurt me professionally.

Joe is looking at the bright side: In 3 years this will be over. Too, he's glad he hasn't already bought a house, because would lose it for sure if he had.

I used to say I wouldn't get involved with anyone who isn't financially stable! Funny how life turns out sometimes. He was telling me this morning how he wants to change careers and do something less physical. He talks about engineering or designing (machines & equipment and stuff), and the military would pay for the schooling. So who knows, I'm not putting my faith in anything or making any premature plans, but in the end things just might work out.