One Day Rather than Another

December 26, 2007

My mother called yesterday after the family Christmas dinner. Apparently Susan, my niece, didn’t get any gifts, and I was the one who drew her name. Not ANYTHING?? Even from the other family members? Mom said my sister Elaine had said she didn’t get anything a few years back and it really hurt her feelings; that may have been the year I drew her name. My response to that is, get over it. Not to be unfeeling, but I don't believe in depending on others -- or on THINGS -- for one's self-esteem. Besides, any adult (any parent) I know would be satisfied just knowing that her kids are happy and have what they want.

Gifts are just things, and Christmas is just a day. Nothing magical about it. I am simply not going to be made to feel guilty because I didn't give someone a "thing" on a certain day.

That would have been Christmas of 2004. I did, later in the year, give Elaine an “Americana” gift to match her bathroom decor. Does it make me a bad person, because I gave the gift on a day other than December 25? Does a gift mean less because it was given on one day rather than another? It shouldn’t.

Hmmm... Whose idea was it to give her a shower for getting custody of her grandsons, this past spring on Mother's Day? Oh yeah, that was me. Now THAT is something to celebrate. I wanted to show how happy I was for her. I wanted the family to come together to show their support for such a big event -- and finally getting custody of the boys IS a big event. I didn't even get to go to the shower. Just the same, I was thrilled for her & her husband, and in my opinion, putting time and thought into an event shows a lot more concern and consideration for a person than spending money on a physical thing.

I wish for others to treat me the same way.

Here's an email I sent to Elaine after Christmas, explaining my thoughts:

Again, sorry everything is late. I'm still not feeling the best, and am finally convinced I should see a doctor. I'm not big on going to doctors, if I can help it, but I've had this chest cough for about 2 months. And, we're supposed to get more snow today.

This time of year is so stressful. Whose bright idea was it to pick this day in the middle of winter -- which, as we know, wasn't even Christ's birthday in the first place -- when weather is generally bad and sickness is generally rampant, to wear ourselves out going from crowded, noisy store to crowded, noisy store so we can buy "things" to give on this arbitrary day, and if we don't, we're bad people?

Here is my opinion: it's just a day, and a gift is just a thing. What's important (to me anyway) is the THOUGHT or FEELING behind the giving. I don't want any of you to ever feel you "have" to get me something just because it's my birthday, or Christmas, or Mother's Day, or whatever. An email or card will suffice. I'm not into "things" or "days," I'm much more interested in the thought or the effort. I wouldn't want anyone wearing themselves out just to meet some man-made deadline. Take care of yourselves and your families first!! There is just nothing I want or need that badly!

I guess I'm up on my soapbox this morning. Christmas can be a lot of fun: the music, the decorations, the parties. But I think we (as a society) put way too much pressure on ourselves. We put way too much importance on what I think are the wrong things. How 'bout if one year we don't buy any gifts at all, and spend our money and time doing something charitable?