Marital Money Management

July 28, 2008

Now that Joe and I are engaged, I’m broaching a subject I’ve avoided for so long: finances.

As an accountant not just by profession but by nature, I’m generally pretty anal about money management. Especially toward someone I’m in a relationship with. But I’ve purposely stayed clear of that subject with Joe. If I got involved in that part of his life, I’d become way too controlling and would stress out and give myself headaches. Plus, such a controlling attitude would cause endless, needless arguments.

Besides, his money is his money, his debt is his debt.

Until now. As the future Mrs. Archer, I need to know what my significant-other owes and where his money goes. We’ve been fairly open with each other about how much we make and what we spend and such. We don’t try to hide anything from each other. He knows how much I make, I’ve told him what I owe, what my monthly payments are, and what I have invested. He’s seen firsthand how I spend – I look for sales & discounts, I shop at thrift stores, I don’t use credit extensively, and I keep a fairly modest lifestyle.

Joe seems to have a lot more disposable income to spend. His take-home is about $1,000 more per month than mine, and he has no car payment, house payment, or utility bills. I’m sure though that he helps his (widowed) mother with necessary expenses. He is paying down balances on 2 credit bills, pays his monthly cell phone bill, and of course has car insurance. That is the extent of his basic living expenses.

His check is garnished monthly for child support to his first wife, and he has begun paying his military disability payments directly to the Department of Human Services to more quickly satisfy the balance. Ideally he’d be socking that away, but the quicker he gets the obligation paid off the better. I’ve calculated that the remainder of his monthly disposable income goes for groceries, gas, Wal Mart runs, entertainment (movies, camping trips, and the like), and eating out. He likes to eat out much more than I do.

So I’ve asked him if he could bring some recent bank statements next time he comes over. I’d like to study his spending habits.

And of course now that we have custody of his kids, expenses are going to be greater – primarily in the areas of groceries and school clothes, not to mention school supplies and school lunches. So if I combine our take-home pay, and deduct our combined expenses, hmmm.... Oh, and don’t forget savings! We need to build a strong savings and save a set amount each month.

Thinking even further out, we’ll have to get a bigger house, and I’m going to need a new(er) car very soon. And all this is provided our incomes remain constant. What if something changes in our jobs?

So much to think about! I know every couple goes through this thought process (or at least ought to). But being in our 40’s throws a whole new load of nuts and bolts into the mix. On the upside, age has also brought much widsom: we’ve also changed the way we think about finances. We’re more careful about how we manage what we have. We’ve learned to appreciate what we have and to not take anything for granted. We know how important it is to be of the same mind when it comes to money management. And most of all, we both know that money isn’t everything.

Money is important, but lots of things are so much more important. Honesty. Openness. Teamwork. Talking things out. Appreciating each other. If those qualities are in place, marital money management will take care of itself.