November 26, 2007
Nathan and I returned from our somewhat-annual pilgrimage to Georgia last night about 6:30. I grew up in Georgia and most of my family still lives there. I was so grateful to have Joe at home when I got here, someone to come home to after a long, harrowing drive. He house-sat while I was gone, feeding the cat, getting the mail, keeping the house warm, even installing high-speed internet. And last night he picked up dinner for us at Rib Crib. It was so, so nice to come home to all that rather than, OK, here we are, too tired to unpack or eat.
Nathan and I had a wonderful time while on vacation. One task I set out to accomplish was copying some of Mom’s old pictures, pictures of her & Dad “way back when.” I copied some of Dad’s Air Force pictures and later on when I had the chance, I asked him if he could remember how old he was or about what year they were taken. Well, what do you know, he got so interested in old pictures that he got out Grandma Hedden’s old pictures, some of which date back to the 1920s, 1930s, & 1940s. It was so fun and so interesting; in fact I don’t know when I’ve seen him so happy about ANYTHING (not only that, but I also think that’s the longest amount of time I’ve spent one-on-one with him, EVER in my life).
Mom said he was feeling so much better since his visit to Emory. Hospital in Atlanta, that is. A few years back he when he was hospitalized for severe bleeding that wouldn’t stop, he was told by the doctors that his blood has Factor 8 (clotting agent) but inhibitors kept it from working. This time though, they said he DIDN’T have the inhibitors, and therefore he could receive Factor 8 artificially. Also his Doctor (a lady, I don’t remember her name) is doing a study on hemophiliac patients, and he agreed to be part of the study. So he felt much better, as anyone would, receiving some hope finally.
The pictures of my dad in the Air Force were taken at Lackland AFB in San Antonio in the mid 1950s. He had to have all his teeth removed to get dentures, and he almost bled to death. That's when he discovered he was a bleeder. He was honorably discharged after only 3 months of service.
He and my mom met a few years later in 1957 in Cleveland, OH. My mom was hanging out with her roomate, Victoria, and my dad showed up with his buddy too. That is pretty much all I know about their first meeting, except that my mom loved living on her own in Cleveland, and can still, 50 years later, describe the streets and buildings and sights in detail.
When I looked thru Mom’s pictures, by contrast she was all sad and depressed and full of bad memories. I asked her if she had good memories of ANYTHING, and she said No. That’s too bad, and I feel for her, but Let me have this! Let me enjoy getting to know my parents as PEOPLE and not just as the folks that raised me.
Another task I accomplished during our visit was trekking up to Murphy, NC, to see the house. The house my dad grew up in, that is. It’s not really his house; his only surviving brother and sister, my aunt and uncle, actually own the property now. I visited it countless times as a child, and specifically remember a family reunion there when I was about 12 years old.
And it's still there. Daddy told me later, that his Grandma Hedden’s dad, the Evans’, got the land in the Land Lottery when President Jackson expelled the Cherokees to the West in the infamous Trail of Tears. That was 1838. Wow, it’s been in the family ever since.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Missing Mom
November 7, 2007
Last night I got a call from Nathan’s science teacher, Mrs. Roberts. She was concerned not just about Nathan getting his work in late (which is nothing new), but the work he is doing is vague and disconnected. Like he’s not even trying. I had noticed that his work has been a very poor quality lately.
I got him to talking, in a roundabout way, and I believe he’s missing Mom. Feeling left out. I had wondered if it was because Joe is spending so much time with us now, but I don’t think it has anything to do with him per se. I think he just wants more time with Mom. Weird, I had thought that since he’s getting older and pushing me away, that he DIDN’T want much time with me. Turns out to be the opposite.
Monday night we did his math homework together, after which I had him choose Charlotte’s Web or The Trumpet of the Swan, and read a chapter. He needs to read more. He’s so far behind in his reading class. Last night I had him read a chapter, then I wanted him to begin a journal. He designed a car then labeled the parts. Well, that’s something. Some sort of creative expression.
He asked me to read to him as he fell asleep. He hasn’t asked me to do that in ages. Up until he was 8, I’d give him his bath then read to him. Then sometimes he’d ask me to read him a chapter at bedtime. That slacked off, and now I remember that I was always “too tired.” Well, I’ll just have to start back doing that. We’d read about Ramona Quimby, Junie B. Jones, Bionicles, and Jack & Annie and the Magic Treehouse. I read a book we got from the CBOMC (Children's Book of the Month Club), The Incredible Journey of Edward Tulane, I believe was the name. It's about a toy bunny that gets lost from his owner, a little girl, and is tossed here and there and there and here, until he finally finds a home with a new little girl. I read the whole thing to myself last night, then read a chapter to him. I can start reading him a chapter every night.
Both nights, I kept the TV off. Quiet time. We need to have more quiet time.
Last night I got a call from Nathan’s science teacher, Mrs. Roberts. She was concerned not just about Nathan getting his work in late (which is nothing new), but the work he is doing is vague and disconnected. Like he’s not even trying. I had noticed that his work has been a very poor quality lately.
I got him to talking, in a roundabout way, and I believe he’s missing Mom. Feeling left out. I had wondered if it was because Joe is spending so much time with us now, but I don’t think it has anything to do with him per se. I think he just wants more time with Mom. Weird, I had thought that since he’s getting older and pushing me away, that he DIDN’T want much time with me. Turns out to be the opposite.
Monday night we did his math homework together, after which I had him choose Charlotte’s Web or The Trumpet of the Swan, and read a chapter. He needs to read more. He’s so far behind in his reading class. Last night I had him read a chapter, then I wanted him to begin a journal. He designed a car then labeled the parts. Well, that’s something. Some sort of creative expression.
He asked me to read to him as he fell asleep. He hasn’t asked me to do that in ages. Up until he was 8, I’d give him his bath then read to him. Then sometimes he’d ask me to read him a chapter at bedtime. That slacked off, and now I remember that I was always “too tired.” Well, I’ll just have to start back doing that. We’d read about Ramona Quimby, Junie B. Jones, Bionicles, and Jack & Annie and the Magic Treehouse. I read a book we got from the CBOMC (Children's Book of the Month Club), The Incredible Journey of Edward Tulane, I believe was the name. It's about a toy bunny that gets lost from his owner, a little girl, and is tossed here and there and there and here, until he finally finds a home with a new little girl. I read the whole thing to myself last night, then read a chapter to him. I can start reading him a chapter every night.
Both nights, I kept the TV off. Quiet time. We need to have more quiet time.
Conversations with The Girls
November 6, 2007
Occasionally I meet girlfriends for lunch, or dinner and a show. Most of my girlfriends are the strong, professional, independent-minded type, much like myself. The conversations can get interesting. And, having 40 years of life-experience behind me, I generally have a unique perspective on these conversations.
I met Rebecca and Kate for lunch today at the Magnolia Café. I had a Magnolia Burger – yum, it was a different sort of burger and was very good. Made of very lean meat on focaccia bread, the burger was topped with a slice of provolone cheese, a slice or two of roasted tomato, and spring mix (instead of lettuce). It may have also had a sauce, but I don’t recall it. Very different; I would definitely try it again.
Anyway, Rebecca mentioned that someone she met on a recent vacation had said that the average credit card debt per person is $75,000. I think she heard wrong; $75,000 is a bit extreme. I’ve heard $7,500. I don’t even remember now what prompted the conversation. Kate said she’d heard it was $8,000, “which is more believable,” she said, “but still incomprehensible.”
I said, Oh no it’s not. Not as much as you think. She said that even with a $1,000 balance, just look at the finance charges. They both went on to state emphatically how that finance charges are simply unacceptable and that they keep their balances paid off. I thought, a body is lucky if they can do that and not get caught in a trap beyond his control. Many people do get caught in things out of their control. I have heard several times of frugal, responsible people who divorce a not-so-frugal-and-responsible spouse and are forced to take the liability for half the spouse's debt. Joe, for instance.
Besides, not everyone who has a credit card balance uses credit for unnecessary wants. I have been guilty myself, of carrying waaayy too much credit card debt. I can't blame anyone but myself, but in all honesty there were times after I separated and moved out on my own, that we would not have had groceries in the apartment if I didn't buy some with my credit card. It was a tough time, going from splitting rent and utilities with my husband, to paying for everything on my own with no corresponding increase in salary.
My point is, don't judge people, because you don't know their circumstances.
Here's another trip but with a different topic of conversation, On a recent girlie-trip to Tulsa to see the Ballet one Sunday, Rebecca asked each of us if we could choose one age in our life to stay forever, what would it be. And it had to be that age as it was then, not “knowing what I know now.” I couldn’t answer that one.
I have the feeling that Rebecca has never really endured many trials in her life and has never been truly unhappy. I, on the other hand, couldn’t think of any age I would go back to, as it was at the time. I can’t think of one age where I was truly HAPPY. I mean, before my 40s. And, I’ve learned so many things and grown so much just in the past ten years: getting my accounting degree and becoming a CPA, buying a house, leaving an unhappy marriage, dating again… I’d never want to go back to being naïve like I was [in the beforetime]. I certainly would not choose any period in my life from about age 25 forward, to live forever.
After giving it a lot of thought, I’d have to say 8 or 10, or maybe younger. Definitely before the teen years, before I knew what depression and unhappiness were. Before I knew what peer pressure was. Before I realized that I was different and not as attractive as the other girls. Before I came to the knowledge that other girls had nicer clothes. Before I discovered that boys liked only the pretty girls who wore those nicer clothes. Before I found out that other girls went to parties that I didn't get invited to. Before I knew enough to feel lonely, left out, unloved, insecure.
My second choice would have to be my early years at college, about age 19-20. Those were fun times; I met lots of new people and made lots of new friends, some I hoped would last a lifetime. Life was just beginning to open up to me and I found out that there is a whole world of opportunities out there just waiting to be experienced. But even so, I would never want to go back to being who I was then. I had overcome a lot of my shyness but I was still very insecure and had a lot of emotional maturity to learn.
With age has come much wisdom. This is 40 in Real Life.
Occasionally I meet girlfriends for lunch, or dinner and a show. Most of my girlfriends are the strong, professional, independent-minded type, much like myself. The conversations can get interesting. And, having 40 years of life-experience behind me, I generally have a unique perspective on these conversations.
I met Rebecca and Kate for lunch today at the Magnolia Café. I had a Magnolia Burger – yum, it was a different sort of burger and was very good. Made of very lean meat on focaccia bread, the burger was topped with a slice of provolone cheese, a slice or two of roasted tomato, and spring mix (instead of lettuce). It may have also had a sauce, but I don’t recall it. Very different; I would definitely try it again.
Anyway, Rebecca mentioned that someone she met on a recent vacation had said that the average credit card debt per person is $75,000. I think she heard wrong; $75,000 is a bit extreme. I’ve heard $7,500. I don’t even remember now what prompted the conversation. Kate said she’d heard it was $8,000, “which is more believable,” she said, “but still incomprehensible.”
I said, Oh no it’s not. Not as much as you think. She said that even with a $1,000 balance, just look at the finance charges. They both went on to state emphatically how that finance charges are simply unacceptable and that they keep their balances paid off. I thought, a body is lucky if they can do that and not get caught in a trap beyond his control. Many people do get caught in things out of their control. I have heard several times of frugal, responsible people who divorce a not-so-frugal-and-responsible spouse and are forced to take the liability for half the spouse's debt. Joe, for instance.
Besides, not everyone who has a credit card balance uses credit for unnecessary wants. I have been guilty myself, of carrying waaayy too much credit card debt. I can't blame anyone but myself, but in all honesty there were times after I separated and moved out on my own, that we would not have had groceries in the apartment if I didn't buy some with my credit card. It was a tough time, going from splitting rent and utilities with my husband, to paying for everything on my own with no corresponding increase in salary.
My point is, don't judge people, because you don't know their circumstances.
Here's another trip but with a different topic of conversation, On a recent girlie-trip to Tulsa to see the Ballet one Sunday, Rebecca asked each of us if we could choose one age in our life to stay forever, what would it be. And it had to be that age as it was then, not “knowing what I know now.” I couldn’t answer that one.
I have the feeling that Rebecca has never really endured many trials in her life and has never been truly unhappy. I, on the other hand, couldn’t think of any age I would go back to, as it was at the time. I can’t think of one age where I was truly HAPPY. I mean, before my 40s. And, I’ve learned so many things and grown so much just in the past ten years: getting my accounting degree and becoming a CPA, buying a house, leaving an unhappy marriage, dating again… I’d never want to go back to being naïve like I was [in the beforetime]. I certainly would not choose any period in my life from about age 25 forward, to live forever.
After giving it a lot of thought, I’d have to say 8 or 10, or maybe younger. Definitely before the teen years, before I knew what depression and unhappiness were. Before I knew what peer pressure was. Before I realized that I was different and not as attractive as the other girls. Before I came to the knowledge that other girls had nicer clothes. Before I discovered that boys liked only the pretty girls who wore those nicer clothes. Before I found out that other girls went to parties that I didn't get invited to. Before I knew enough to feel lonely, left out, unloved, insecure.
My second choice would have to be my early years at college, about age 19-20. Those were fun times; I met lots of new people and made lots of new friends, some I hoped would last a lifetime. Life was just beginning to open up to me and I found out that there is a whole world of opportunities out there just waiting to be experienced. But even so, I would never want to go back to being who I was then. I had overcome a lot of my shyness but I was still very insecure and had a lot of emotional maturity to learn.
With age has come much wisdom. This is 40 in Real Life.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Halloween and Religion
October 19, 2007
I can't believe it's nearly Halloween already! Our department at work is going to do "Alice in Wonderland." Fun idea, but it's been so long since I've even seen that movie, I can hardly remember any of the details. Debra and I are going to be Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Kathryn is going to be the Rabbit, Pamela is dressing as Alice, and Louise wants to be the Mad Hatter. If the guys will consent we want to dress them up as playing cards.
Joe and I are going to a Halloween party Friday the 26th, and I think I might try to do Evan Almighty. I'd just need a man's suit from the thrift store, fake hair and beard, white paint for bird poop, and pairs of little plastic animals hot-glued to the suit. It's an idea, anyway. Nathan says he just wants to give out candy this year. I think that's a good idea; we never eat all the candy he gets anyway! We still have a bowlful left over from last year and probably most of it needs thrown out.
We got into a discussion last night -- and I thought I'd told him all this already -- about how I and my siblings never had Christmas, birthday parties, trick-or-treating, even Easter. We started out talking about childhood toys (the earliest toys I remember were my teddy bear named Georgie Porgie, and my dolly named Thumbkins), then I said how my mother made those stuffed animals for us when we were young: Timothy, a purple elephant with yellow ears; Wanda, a red elephant with pink ears; me, Tuffy the Tooth; Sabrina & Melissa, that yellow giraffe they called "Mr. Mooney."
I said that she was quite creative in her day; she made curtains for that bookcase that we fashioned from an old dresser. She made appliqués from cookie-cutters and stitched them to the curtains. "Stars, hearts, gingerbread men, bells," I began, and Joe mentioned "Christmas trees..." I said, "Oh, no. We had nothing to do with Christmas trees. Those were PAGAN."
That's how the whole conversation started. He was dumbfounded with disbelief. "Really? REALLY? Wow. " he'd say. I told him we kept the Passover and the feasts and the holy days outlined in the Old Testament. So then he thought that we disregarded the New Testament. No, I said, we believed that even the NT Christians kept the OT holy days (at least that's how I understood it).
We talk pretty openly about religion. He asked me what I thought of his mom's church. It's a Baptist church; we went a couple months ago for the "going away" service/dinner for their pastor of 7 years. It was a small congregation, maybe 50-75 people, and it was mostly elderly people; not many teens or young couples with children. So that's what I said: "Seems like it's mostly elderly people that go to church anymore." His response: "They're studying for the Final Exam." Haha, how witty.
I can't believe it's nearly Halloween already! Our department at work is going to do "Alice in Wonderland." Fun idea, but it's been so long since I've even seen that movie, I can hardly remember any of the details. Debra and I are going to be Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Kathryn is going to be the Rabbit, Pamela is dressing as Alice, and Louise wants to be the Mad Hatter. If the guys will consent we want to dress them up as playing cards.
Joe and I are going to a Halloween party Friday the 26th, and I think I might try to do Evan Almighty. I'd just need a man's suit from the thrift store, fake hair and beard, white paint for bird poop, and pairs of little plastic animals hot-glued to the suit. It's an idea, anyway. Nathan says he just wants to give out candy this year. I think that's a good idea; we never eat all the candy he gets anyway! We still have a bowlful left over from last year and probably most of it needs thrown out.
We got into a discussion last night -- and I thought I'd told him all this already -- about how I and my siblings never had Christmas, birthday parties, trick-or-treating, even Easter. We started out talking about childhood toys (the earliest toys I remember were my teddy bear named Georgie Porgie, and my dolly named Thumbkins), then I said how my mother made those stuffed animals for us when we were young: Timothy, a purple elephant with yellow ears; Wanda, a red elephant with pink ears; me, Tuffy the Tooth; Sabrina & Melissa, that yellow giraffe they called "Mr. Mooney."
I said that she was quite creative in her day; she made curtains for that bookcase that we fashioned from an old dresser. She made appliqués from cookie-cutters and stitched them to the curtains. "Stars, hearts, gingerbread men, bells," I began, and Joe mentioned "Christmas trees..." I said, "Oh, no. We had nothing to do with Christmas trees. Those were PAGAN."
That's how the whole conversation started. He was dumbfounded with disbelief. "Really? REALLY? Wow. " he'd say. I told him we kept the Passover and the feasts and the holy days outlined in the Old Testament. So then he thought that we disregarded the New Testament. No, I said, we believed that even the NT Christians kept the OT holy days (at least that's how I understood it).
We talk pretty openly about religion. He asked me what I thought of his mom's church. It's a Baptist church; we went a couple months ago for the "going away" service/dinner for their pastor of 7 years. It was a small congregation, maybe 50-75 people, and it was mostly elderly people; not many teens or young couples with children. So that's what I said: "Seems like it's mostly elderly people that go to church anymore." His response: "They're studying for the Final Exam." Haha, how witty.
Past the Honeymoon Stage
October 15, 2007
Friday Joe and I went to our friend Sam's 40th birthday party, at the American Legion Hall in Edmond. It was fun – lots of food, all the friends, we even had karaoke. I got to feeling a little crowded in, which I should have expected. I can't stand to be around a lot of people, I get claustrophobic in crowds.
But also, I was frustrated that Joe was sitting so close to me that I could hardly move my chair back to get up when I needed to. He can be a tad clingy. I wanted to tell him to “scoot over!!” But I didn’t want to be rude, especially in front of so many people. He kept saying, Are you OK, do you want this, do you need that. And I just wanted him to leave me alone and quit babying me.
It’s in his nature to be a caretaker, and most of the time I love and need the attention. But sometimes it drives me nuts how he feels he has to come to my rescue every time he hears a peep from me. I am not helpless. I am a grown woman! Then finally I just had to go outside and be by myself. Wouldn’t you know it, he followed me out there. He needs to be needed. And I need breathing space.
So I think I’m moving past the honeymoon stage. Don’t know about him, but my attitude is changing. I’m getting to where I don’t want him around as much. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, just means times are changing. When I said Nathan and I would be driving out to Georgia to visit my relatives for Thanksgiving, his response was, "What am I going to do without you for a week?” And I’m like, get over it. You’re a grownup. I'm not your entertainment coordinator.
Am I growing out of him already? Sure as the world, I’m not compromising my standards or changing my values in life for him. But – it’s still early. I've known him for a mere six months. I can’t look at only what I want to see, I have to see what’s really there. And that takes time.
Friday Joe and I went to our friend Sam's 40th birthday party, at the American Legion Hall in Edmond. It was fun – lots of food, all the friends, we even had karaoke. I got to feeling a little crowded in, which I should have expected. I can't stand to be around a lot of people, I get claustrophobic in crowds.
But also, I was frustrated that Joe was sitting so close to me that I could hardly move my chair back to get up when I needed to. He can be a tad clingy. I wanted to tell him to “scoot over!!” But I didn’t want to be rude, especially in front of so many people. He kept saying, Are you OK, do you want this, do you need that. And I just wanted him to leave me alone and quit babying me.
It’s in his nature to be a caretaker, and most of the time I love and need the attention. But sometimes it drives me nuts how he feels he has to come to my rescue every time he hears a peep from me. I am not helpless. I am a grown woman! Then finally I just had to go outside and be by myself. Wouldn’t you know it, he followed me out there. He needs to be needed. And I need breathing space.
So I think I’m moving past the honeymoon stage. Don’t know about him, but my attitude is changing. I’m getting to where I don’t want him around as much. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, just means times are changing. When I said Nathan and I would be driving out to Georgia to visit my relatives for Thanksgiving, his response was, "What am I going to do without you for a week?” And I’m like, get over it. You’re a grownup. I'm not your entertainment coordinator.
Am I growing out of him already? Sure as the world, I’m not compromising my standards or changing my values in life for him. But – it’s still early. I've known him for a mere six months. I can’t look at only what I want to see, I have to see what’s really there. And that takes time.
Competing with 4 Other Women
October 3, 2007
Good news, Joe gets his LES’s tomorrow. Those are basically his pay stubs from the military. His ex-wife (his first one, that is) is trying to claim child support from BEFORE they were even divorced. He paid support from the divorce up until 1997, when she “disappeared off the face of the earth,” as he puts it.
In June of this year he located her & their daughter, and thought everything was going just fine, until she slapped him with nearly 10 years of back-child support. He’s fighting it. At this point he’s not even sure the daughter is his. He said they were together 4 weeks out of 5 years of marriage, and that she conceived almost as soon as they were married. He said she sure got pregnant awfully fast, for them not being together any more than they were.
They married in Oklahoma, and she refused to move to San Diego with him. She wanted to stay near her mother. She never even made a trip to visit him. So anyway, he’s wanting a DNA test. The social worker said that paternity’s already been established, but I’d like to know how. A name on a birth certificate doesn’t mean anything. [We found out later that according to Oklahoma law, if a child is born within wedlock, then said child is YOURS, regardless of who the biological parents are.]
What if he does wind up paying thousands in back-support? I mean, what about us? He’s already paying $900 a month to his other ex-wife for child support. I was shocked, as it is, to find out he'd been married TWICE. He’s staying with his mother, doesn’t have a home of his own, and I’m sure he helps her out (his stepmother too) financially (as a good son should).
So, no way am I supporting a guy who’s already supporting 4 other women. I’d love for him to live at my house, one day in the future. But I can’t depend on how much he’d be able to contribute to the joint finances. This is maddening. I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to begin merging our lives. But that may not be a possibility.
And what about the moms? They are both widowed and depend on him being there, being the “man of the house.” I asked him last night if they were jealous of the new woman in his life. “A skosh,” he said, which is a colloquialism for "a tad." It's hard for me to comprehend a woman in her 60s depending on her son so much that she is jealous of his new girlfriend.
But then, he is his mom’s only son and practically his stepmom’s only kid who helps her out and gives her any respect. I come from a family of 6 kids, and we each have our own lives. Plus, my mom learned long ago to be independent and “get things done” herself. Myself as well, I’m used to doing everything myself.
It’s hard for me to comprehend a woman who isn’t capable of doing things herself. But then again, Joe's mom and stepmom are of a different generation, one where the man generally “takes care” of things. Anyway, you’d think they’d be happy that he’s met a good woman who loves him dearly and has a good head on her shoulders – not like his ex-wives.
Good news, Joe gets his LES’s tomorrow. Those are basically his pay stubs from the military. His ex-wife (his first one, that is) is trying to claim child support from BEFORE they were even divorced. He paid support from the divorce up until 1997, when she “disappeared off the face of the earth,” as he puts it.
In June of this year he located her & their daughter, and thought everything was going just fine, until she slapped him with nearly 10 years of back-child support. He’s fighting it. At this point he’s not even sure the daughter is his. He said they were together 4 weeks out of 5 years of marriage, and that she conceived almost as soon as they were married. He said she sure got pregnant awfully fast, for them not being together any more than they were.
They married in Oklahoma, and she refused to move to San Diego with him. She wanted to stay near her mother. She never even made a trip to visit him. So anyway, he’s wanting a DNA test. The social worker said that paternity’s already been established, but I’d like to know how. A name on a birth certificate doesn’t mean anything. [We found out later that according to Oklahoma law, if a child is born within wedlock, then said child is YOURS, regardless of who the biological parents are.]
What if he does wind up paying thousands in back-support? I mean, what about us? He’s already paying $900 a month to his other ex-wife for child support. I was shocked, as it is, to find out he'd been married TWICE. He’s staying with his mother, doesn’t have a home of his own, and I’m sure he helps her out (his stepmother too) financially (as a good son should).
So, no way am I supporting a guy who’s already supporting 4 other women. I’d love for him to live at my house, one day in the future. But I can’t depend on how much he’d be able to contribute to the joint finances. This is maddening. I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to begin merging our lives. But that may not be a possibility.
And what about the moms? They are both widowed and depend on him being there, being the “man of the house.” I asked him last night if they were jealous of the new woman in his life. “A skosh,” he said, which is a colloquialism for "a tad." It's hard for me to comprehend a woman in her 60s depending on her son so much that she is jealous of his new girlfriend.
But then, he is his mom’s only son and practically his stepmom’s only kid who helps her out and gives her any respect. I come from a family of 6 kids, and we each have our own lives. Plus, my mom learned long ago to be independent and “get things done” herself. Myself as well, I’m used to doing everything myself.
It’s hard for me to comprehend a woman who isn’t capable of doing things herself. But then again, Joe's mom and stepmom are of a different generation, one where the man generally “takes care” of things. Anyway, you’d think they’d be happy that he’s met a good woman who loves him dearly and has a good head on her shoulders – not like his ex-wives.
What's Going On Out There
September 26, 2007
Sure, I won't deny it. I spend quite a bit of time on the internet at work, during my down-time. Most of what I read relates to work, careers, the economy, the business world – I think it makes me a better employee because it keeps me abreast of what’s going on “out there.” And who knows when I’m going to stumble on an idea or concept that could have an impact on our department or our business?
I just read an article on Gen Y’ers – I’ve read many of them; I enjoy pondering on the world my son will one day enter. I enjoy studying the different attitudes the different generations have. According to what I’ve read, Generation Y expects their parents to be involved in every part of their life – including recruiting and job interviews. I think that’s crazy. A generation of people who can’t make decisions without mommie or daddie.
Many from my generation (Gen X) are the same way. And the parents let them. I get it, the parents don’t want their kids to go thru the hardships they did. I feel the same way about Nathan. I want to take what opportunity I can to prepare him for adulthood. But, that includes encouraging him to take responsibility for himself and his actions, and to learn to “deal” without my holding his hand. Let him make his own decisions and be responsible for the outcome.
Sure, I won't deny it. I spend quite a bit of time on the internet at work, during my down-time. Most of what I read relates to work, careers, the economy, the business world – I think it makes me a better employee because it keeps me abreast of what’s going on “out there.” And who knows when I’m going to stumble on an idea or concept that could have an impact on our department or our business?
I just read an article on Gen Y’ers – I’ve read many of them; I enjoy pondering on the world my son will one day enter. I enjoy studying the different attitudes the different generations have. According to what I’ve read, Generation Y expects their parents to be involved in every part of their life – including recruiting and job interviews. I think that’s crazy. A generation of people who can’t make decisions without mommie or daddie.
Many from my generation (Gen X) are the same way. And the parents let them. I get it, the parents don’t want their kids to go thru the hardships they did. I feel the same way about Nathan. I want to take what opportunity I can to prepare him for adulthood. But, that includes encouraging him to take responsibility for himself and his actions, and to learn to “deal” without my holding his hand. Let him make his own decisions and be responsible for the outcome.
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