Competing with 4 Other Women

October 3, 2007

Good news, Joe gets his LES’s tomorrow. Those are basically his pay stubs from the military. His ex-wife (his first one, that is) is trying to claim child support from BEFORE they were even divorced. He paid support from the divorce up until 1997, when she “disappeared off the face of the earth,” as he puts it.

In June of this year he located her & their daughter, and thought everything was going just fine, until she slapped him with nearly 10 years of back-child support. He’s fighting it. At this point he’s not even sure the daughter is his. He said they were together 4 weeks out of 5 years of marriage, and that she conceived almost as soon as they were married. He said she sure got pregnant awfully fast, for them not being together any more than they were.

They married in Oklahoma, and she refused to move to San Diego with him. She wanted to stay near her mother. She never even made a trip to visit him. So anyway, he’s wanting a DNA test. The social worker said that paternity’s already been established, but I’d like to know how. A name on a birth certificate doesn’t mean anything. [We found out later that according to Oklahoma law, if a child is born within wedlock, then said child is YOURS, regardless of who the biological parents are.]

What if he does wind up paying thousands in back-support? I mean, what about us? He’s already paying $900 a month to his other ex-wife for child support. I was shocked, as it is, to find out he'd been married TWICE. He’s staying with his mother, doesn’t have a home of his own, and I’m sure he helps her out (his stepmother too) financially (as a good son should).

So, no way am I supporting a guy who’s already supporting 4 other women. I’d love for him to live at my house, one day in the future. But I can’t depend on how much he’d be able to contribute to the joint finances. This is maddening. I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to begin merging our lives. But that may not be a possibility.

And what about the moms? They are both widowed and depend on him being there, being the “man of the house.” I asked him last night if they were jealous of the new woman in his life. “A skosh,” he said, which is a colloquialism for "a tad." It's hard for me to comprehend a woman in her 60s depending on her son so much that she is jealous of his new girlfriend.

But then, he is his mom’s only son and practically his stepmom’s only kid who helps her out and gives her any respect. I come from a family of 6 kids, and we each have our own lives. Plus, my mom learned long ago to be independent and “get things done” herself. Myself as well, I’m used to doing everything myself.

It’s hard for me to comprehend a woman who isn’t capable of doing things herself. But then again, Joe's mom and stepmom are of a different generation, one where the man generally “takes care” of things. Anyway, you’d think they’d be happy that he’s met a good woman who loves him dearly and has a good head on her shoulders – not like his ex-wives.