Conversations with The Girls

November 6, 2007

Occasionally I meet girlfriends for lunch, or dinner and a show. Most of my girlfriends are the strong, professional, independent-minded type, much like myself. The conversations can get interesting. And, having 40 years of life-experience behind me, I generally have a unique perspective on these conversations.

I met Rebecca and Kate for lunch today at the Magnolia Café. I had a Magnolia Burger – yum, it was a different sort of burger and was very good. Made of very lean meat on focaccia bread, the burger was topped with a slice of provolone cheese, a slice or two of roasted tomato, and spring mix (instead of lettuce). It may have also had a sauce, but I don’t recall it. Very different; I would definitely try it again.

Anyway, Rebecca mentioned that someone she met on a recent vacation had said that the average credit card debt per person is $75,000. I think she heard wrong; $75,000 is a bit extreme. I’ve heard $7,500. I don’t even remember now what prompted the conversation. Kate said she’d heard it was $8,000, “which is more believable,” she said, “but still incomprehensible.”

I said, Oh no it’s not. Not as much as you think. She said that even with a $1,000 balance, just look at the finance charges. They both went on to state emphatically how that finance charges are simply unacceptable and that they keep their balances paid off. I thought, a body is lucky if they can do that and not get caught in a trap beyond his control. Many people do get caught in things out of their control. I have heard several times of frugal, responsible people who divorce a not-so-frugal-and-responsible spouse and are forced to take the liability for half the spouse's debt. Joe, for instance.

Besides, not everyone who has a credit card balance uses credit for unnecessary wants. I have been guilty myself, of carrying waaayy too much credit card debt. I can't blame anyone but myself, but in all honesty there were times after I separated and moved out on my own, that we would not have had groceries in the apartment if I didn't buy some with my credit card. It was a tough time, going from splitting rent and utilities with my husband, to paying for everything on my own with no corresponding increase in salary.

My point is, don't judge people, because you don't know their circumstances.

Here's another trip but with a different topic of conversation, On a recent girlie-trip to Tulsa to see the Ballet one Sunday, Rebecca asked each of us if we could choose one age in our life to stay forever, what would it be. And it had to be that age as it was then, not “knowing what I know now.” I couldn’t answer that one.

I have the feeling that Rebecca has never really endured many trials in her life and has never been truly unhappy. I, on the other hand, couldn’t think of any age I would go back to, as it was at the time. I can’t think of one age where I was truly HAPPY. I mean, before my 40s. And, I’ve learned so many things and grown so much just in the past ten years: getting my accounting degree and becoming a CPA, buying a house, leaving an unhappy marriage, dating again… I’d never want to go back to being naïve like I was [in the beforetime]. I certainly would not choose any period in my life from about age 25 forward, to live forever.

After giving it a lot of thought, I’d have to say 8 or 10, or maybe younger. Definitely before the teen years, before I knew what depression and unhappiness were. Before I knew what peer pressure was. Before I realized that I was different and not as attractive as the other girls. Before I came to the knowledge that other girls had nicer clothes. Before I discovered that boys liked only the pretty girls who wore those nicer clothes. Before I found out that other girls went to parties that I didn't get invited to. Before I knew enough to feel lonely, left out, unloved, insecure.

My second choice would have to be my early years at college, about age 19-20. Those were fun times; I met lots of new people and made lots of new friends, some I hoped would last a lifetime. Life was just beginning to open up to me and I found out that there is a whole world of opportunities out there just waiting to be experienced. But even so, I would never want to go back to being who I was then. I had overcome a lot of my shyness but I was still very insecure and had a lot of emotional maturity to learn.

With age has come much wisdom. This is 40 in Real Life.