November 26, 2007
Nathan and I returned from our somewhat-annual pilgrimage to Georgia last night about 6:30. I grew up in Georgia and most of my family still lives there. I was so grateful to have Joe at home when I got here, someone to come home to after a long, harrowing drive. He house-sat while I was gone, feeding the cat, getting the mail, keeping the house warm, even installing high-speed internet. And last night he picked up dinner for us at Rib Crib. It was so, so nice to come home to all that rather than, OK, here we are, too tired to unpack or eat.
Nathan and I had a wonderful time while on vacation. One task I set out to accomplish was copying some of Mom’s old pictures, pictures of her & Dad “way back when.” I copied some of Dad’s Air Force pictures and later on when I had the chance, I asked him if he could remember how old he was or about what year they were taken. Well, what do you know, he got so interested in old pictures that he got out Grandma Hedden’s old pictures, some of which date back to the 1920s, 1930s, & 1940s. It was so fun and so interesting; in fact I don’t know when I’ve seen him so happy about ANYTHING (not only that, but I also think that’s the longest amount of time I’ve spent one-on-one with him, EVER in my life).
Mom said he was feeling so much better since his visit to Emory. Hospital in Atlanta, that is. A few years back he when he was hospitalized for severe bleeding that wouldn’t stop, he was told by the doctors that his blood has Factor 8 (clotting agent) but inhibitors kept it from working. This time though, they said he DIDN’T have the inhibitors, and therefore he could receive Factor 8 artificially. Also his Doctor (a lady, I don’t remember her name) is doing a study on hemophiliac patients, and he agreed to be part of the study. So he felt much better, as anyone would, receiving some hope finally.
The pictures of my dad in the Air Force were taken at Lackland AFB in San Antonio in the mid 1950s. He had to have all his teeth removed to get dentures, and he almost bled to death. That's when he discovered he was a bleeder. He was honorably discharged after only 3 months of service.
He and my mom met a few years later in 1957 in Cleveland, OH. My mom was hanging out with her roomate, Victoria, and my dad showed up with his buddy too. That is pretty much all I know about their first meeting, except that my mom loved living on her own in Cleveland, and can still, 50 years later, describe the streets and buildings and sights in detail.
When I looked thru Mom’s pictures, by contrast she was all sad and depressed and full of bad memories. I asked her if she had good memories of ANYTHING, and she said No. That’s too bad, and I feel for her, but Let me have this! Let me enjoy getting to know my parents as PEOPLE and not just as the folks that raised me.
Another task I accomplished during our visit was trekking up to Murphy, NC, to see the house. The house my dad grew up in, that is. It’s not really his house; his only surviving brother and sister, my aunt and uncle, actually own the property now. I visited it countless times as a child, and specifically remember a family reunion there when I was about 12 years old.
And it's still there. Daddy told me later, that his Grandma Hedden’s dad, the Evans’, got the land in the Land Lottery when President Jackson expelled the Cherokees to the West in the infamous Trail of Tears. That was 1838. Wow, it’s been in the family ever since.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Missing Mom
November 7, 2007
Last night I got a call from Nathan’s science teacher, Mrs. Roberts. She was concerned not just about Nathan getting his work in late (which is nothing new), but the work he is doing is vague and disconnected. Like he’s not even trying. I had noticed that his work has been a very poor quality lately.
I got him to talking, in a roundabout way, and I believe he’s missing Mom. Feeling left out. I had wondered if it was because Joe is spending so much time with us now, but I don’t think it has anything to do with him per se. I think he just wants more time with Mom. Weird, I had thought that since he’s getting older and pushing me away, that he DIDN’T want much time with me. Turns out to be the opposite.
Monday night we did his math homework together, after which I had him choose Charlotte’s Web or The Trumpet of the Swan, and read a chapter. He needs to read more. He’s so far behind in his reading class. Last night I had him read a chapter, then I wanted him to begin a journal. He designed a car then labeled the parts. Well, that’s something. Some sort of creative expression.
He asked me to read to him as he fell asleep. He hasn’t asked me to do that in ages. Up until he was 8, I’d give him his bath then read to him. Then sometimes he’d ask me to read him a chapter at bedtime. That slacked off, and now I remember that I was always “too tired.” Well, I’ll just have to start back doing that. We’d read about Ramona Quimby, Junie B. Jones, Bionicles, and Jack & Annie and the Magic Treehouse. I read a book we got from the CBOMC (Children's Book of the Month Club), The Incredible Journey of Edward Tulane, I believe was the name. It's about a toy bunny that gets lost from his owner, a little girl, and is tossed here and there and there and here, until he finally finds a home with a new little girl. I read the whole thing to myself last night, then read a chapter to him. I can start reading him a chapter every night.
Both nights, I kept the TV off. Quiet time. We need to have more quiet time.
Last night I got a call from Nathan’s science teacher, Mrs. Roberts. She was concerned not just about Nathan getting his work in late (which is nothing new), but the work he is doing is vague and disconnected. Like he’s not even trying. I had noticed that his work has been a very poor quality lately.
I got him to talking, in a roundabout way, and I believe he’s missing Mom. Feeling left out. I had wondered if it was because Joe is spending so much time with us now, but I don’t think it has anything to do with him per se. I think he just wants more time with Mom. Weird, I had thought that since he’s getting older and pushing me away, that he DIDN’T want much time with me. Turns out to be the opposite.
Monday night we did his math homework together, after which I had him choose Charlotte’s Web or The Trumpet of the Swan, and read a chapter. He needs to read more. He’s so far behind in his reading class. Last night I had him read a chapter, then I wanted him to begin a journal. He designed a car then labeled the parts. Well, that’s something. Some sort of creative expression.
He asked me to read to him as he fell asleep. He hasn’t asked me to do that in ages. Up until he was 8, I’d give him his bath then read to him. Then sometimes he’d ask me to read him a chapter at bedtime. That slacked off, and now I remember that I was always “too tired.” Well, I’ll just have to start back doing that. We’d read about Ramona Quimby, Junie B. Jones, Bionicles, and Jack & Annie and the Magic Treehouse. I read a book we got from the CBOMC (Children's Book of the Month Club), The Incredible Journey of Edward Tulane, I believe was the name. It's about a toy bunny that gets lost from his owner, a little girl, and is tossed here and there and there and here, until he finally finds a home with a new little girl. I read the whole thing to myself last night, then read a chapter to him. I can start reading him a chapter every night.
Both nights, I kept the TV off. Quiet time. We need to have more quiet time.
Conversations with The Girls
November 6, 2007
Occasionally I meet girlfriends for lunch, or dinner and a show. Most of my girlfriends are the strong, professional, independent-minded type, much like myself. The conversations can get interesting. And, having 40 years of life-experience behind me, I generally have a unique perspective on these conversations.
I met Rebecca and Kate for lunch today at the Magnolia Café. I had a Magnolia Burger – yum, it was a different sort of burger and was very good. Made of very lean meat on focaccia bread, the burger was topped with a slice of provolone cheese, a slice or two of roasted tomato, and spring mix (instead of lettuce). It may have also had a sauce, but I don’t recall it. Very different; I would definitely try it again.
Anyway, Rebecca mentioned that someone she met on a recent vacation had said that the average credit card debt per person is $75,000. I think she heard wrong; $75,000 is a bit extreme. I’ve heard $7,500. I don’t even remember now what prompted the conversation. Kate said she’d heard it was $8,000, “which is more believable,” she said, “but still incomprehensible.”
I said, Oh no it’s not. Not as much as you think. She said that even with a $1,000 balance, just look at the finance charges. They both went on to state emphatically how that finance charges are simply unacceptable and that they keep their balances paid off. I thought, a body is lucky if they can do that and not get caught in a trap beyond his control. Many people do get caught in things out of their control. I have heard several times of frugal, responsible people who divorce a not-so-frugal-and-responsible spouse and are forced to take the liability for half the spouse's debt. Joe, for instance.
Besides, not everyone who has a credit card balance uses credit for unnecessary wants. I have been guilty myself, of carrying waaayy too much credit card debt. I can't blame anyone but myself, but in all honesty there were times after I separated and moved out on my own, that we would not have had groceries in the apartment if I didn't buy some with my credit card. It was a tough time, going from splitting rent and utilities with my husband, to paying for everything on my own with no corresponding increase in salary.
My point is, don't judge people, because you don't know their circumstances.
Here's another trip but with a different topic of conversation, On a recent girlie-trip to Tulsa to see the Ballet one Sunday, Rebecca asked each of us if we could choose one age in our life to stay forever, what would it be. And it had to be that age as it was then, not “knowing what I know now.” I couldn’t answer that one.
I have the feeling that Rebecca has never really endured many trials in her life and has never been truly unhappy. I, on the other hand, couldn’t think of any age I would go back to, as it was at the time. I can’t think of one age where I was truly HAPPY. I mean, before my 40s. And, I’ve learned so many things and grown so much just in the past ten years: getting my accounting degree and becoming a CPA, buying a house, leaving an unhappy marriage, dating again… I’d never want to go back to being naïve like I was [in the beforetime]. I certainly would not choose any period in my life from about age 25 forward, to live forever.
After giving it a lot of thought, I’d have to say 8 or 10, or maybe younger. Definitely before the teen years, before I knew what depression and unhappiness were. Before I knew what peer pressure was. Before I realized that I was different and not as attractive as the other girls. Before I came to the knowledge that other girls had nicer clothes. Before I discovered that boys liked only the pretty girls who wore those nicer clothes. Before I found out that other girls went to parties that I didn't get invited to. Before I knew enough to feel lonely, left out, unloved, insecure.
My second choice would have to be my early years at college, about age 19-20. Those were fun times; I met lots of new people and made lots of new friends, some I hoped would last a lifetime. Life was just beginning to open up to me and I found out that there is a whole world of opportunities out there just waiting to be experienced. But even so, I would never want to go back to being who I was then. I had overcome a lot of my shyness but I was still very insecure and had a lot of emotional maturity to learn.
With age has come much wisdom. This is 40 in Real Life.
Occasionally I meet girlfriends for lunch, or dinner and a show. Most of my girlfriends are the strong, professional, independent-minded type, much like myself. The conversations can get interesting. And, having 40 years of life-experience behind me, I generally have a unique perspective on these conversations.
I met Rebecca and Kate for lunch today at the Magnolia Café. I had a Magnolia Burger – yum, it was a different sort of burger and was very good. Made of very lean meat on focaccia bread, the burger was topped with a slice of provolone cheese, a slice or two of roasted tomato, and spring mix (instead of lettuce). It may have also had a sauce, but I don’t recall it. Very different; I would definitely try it again.
Anyway, Rebecca mentioned that someone she met on a recent vacation had said that the average credit card debt per person is $75,000. I think she heard wrong; $75,000 is a bit extreme. I’ve heard $7,500. I don’t even remember now what prompted the conversation. Kate said she’d heard it was $8,000, “which is more believable,” she said, “but still incomprehensible.”
I said, Oh no it’s not. Not as much as you think. She said that even with a $1,000 balance, just look at the finance charges. They both went on to state emphatically how that finance charges are simply unacceptable and that they keep their balances paid off. I thought, a body is lucky if they can do that and not get caught in a trap beyond his control. Many people do get caught in things out of their control. I have heard several times of frugal, responsible people who divorce a not-so-frugal-and-responsible spouse and are forced to take the liability for half the spouse's debt. Joe, for instance.
Besides, not everyone who has a credit card balance uses credit for unnecessary wants. I have been guilty myself, of carrying waaayy too much credit card debt. I can't blame anyone but myself, but in all honesty there were times after I separated and moved out on my own, that we would not have had groceries in the apartment if I didn't buy some with my credit card. It was a tough time, going from splitting rent and utilities with my husband, to paying for everything on my own with no corresponding increase in salary.
My point is, don't judge people, because you don't know their circumstances.
Here's another trip but with a different topic of conversation, On a recent girlie-trip to Tulsa to see the Ballet one Sunday, Rebecca asked each of us if we could choose one age in our life to stay forever, what would it be. And it had to be that age as it was then, not “knowing what I know now.” I couldn’t answer that one.
I have the feeling that Rebecca has never really endured many trials in her life and has never been truly unhappy. I, on the other hand, couldn’t think of any age I would go back to, as it was at the time. I can’t think of one age where I was truly HAPPY. I mean, before my 40s. And, I’ve learned so many things and grown so much just in the past ten years: getting my accounting degree and becoming a CPA, buying a house, leaving an unhappy marriage, dating again… I’d never want to go back to being naïve like I was [in the beforetime]. I certainly would not choose any period in my life from about age 25 forward, to live forever.
After giving it a lot of thought, I’d have to say 8 or 10, or maybe younger. Definitely before the teen years, before I knew what depression and unhappiness were. Before I knew what peer pressure was. Before I realized that I was different and not as attractive as the other girls. Before I came to the knowledge that other girls had nicer clothes. Before I discovered that boys liked only the pretty girls who wore those nicer clothes. Before I found out that other girls went to parties that I didn't get invited to. Before I knew enough to feel lonely, left out, unloved, insecure.
My second choice would have to be my early years at college, about age 19-20. Those were fun times; I met lots of new people and made lots of new friends, some I hoped would last a lifetime. Life was just beginning to open up to me and I found out that there is a whole world of opportunities out there just waiting to be experienced. But even so, I would never want to go back to being who I was then. I had overcome a lot of my shyness but I was still very insecure and had a lot of emotional maturity to learn.
With age has come much wisdom. This is 40 in Real Life.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Halloween and Religion
October 19, 2007
I can't believe it's nearly Halloween already! Our department at work is going to do "Alice in Wonderland." Fun idea, but it's been so long since I've even seen that movie, I can hardly remember any of the details. Debra and I are going to be Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Kathryn is going to be the Rabbit, Pamela is dressing as Alice, and Louise wants to be the Mad Hatter. If the guys will consent we want to dress them up as playing cards.
Joe and I are going to a Halloween party Friday the 26th, and I think I might try to do Evan Almighty. I'd just need a man's suit from the thrift store, fake hair and beard, white paint for bird poop, and pairs of little plastic animals hot-glued to the suit. It's an idea, anyway. Nathan says he just wants to give out candy this year. I think that's a good idea; we never eat all the candy he gets anyway! We still have a bowlful left over from last year and probably most of it needs thrown out.
We got into a discussion last night -- and I thought I'd told him all this already -- about how I and my siblings never had Christmas, birthday parties, trick-or-treating, even Easter. We started out talking about childhood toys (the earliest toys I remember were my teddy bear named Georgie Porgie, and my dolly named Thumbkins), then I said how my mother made those stuffed animals for us when we were young: Timothy, a purple elephant with yellow ears; Wanda, a red elephant with pink ears; me, Tuffy the Tooth; Sabrina & Melissa, that yellow giraffe they called "Mr. Mooney."
I said that she was quite creative in her day; she made curtains for that bookcase that we fashioned from an old dresser. She made appliqués from cookie-cutters and stitched them to the curtains. "Stars, hearts, gingerbread men, bells," I began, and Joe mentioned "Christmas trees..." I said, "Oh, no. We had nothing to do with Christmas trees. Those were PAGAN."
That's how the whole conversation started. He was dumbfounded with disbelief. "Really? REALLY? Wow. " he'd say. I told him we kept the Passover and the feasts and the holy days outlined in the Old Testament. So then he thought that we disregarded the New Testament. No, I said, we believed that even the NT Christians kept the OT holy days (at least that's how I understood it).
We talk pretty openly about religion. He asked me what I thought of his mom's church. It's a Baptist church; we went a couple months ago for the "going away" service/dinner for their pastor of 7 years. It was a small congregation, maybe 50-75 people, and it was mostly elderly people; not many teens or young couples with children. So that's what I said: "Seems like it's mostly elderly people that go to church anymore." His response: "They're studying for the Final Exam." Haha, how witty.
I can't believe it's nearly Halloween already! Our department at work is going to do "Alice in Wonderland." Fun idea, but it's been so long since I've even seen that movie, I can hardly remember any of the details. Debra and I are going to be Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Kathryn is going to be the Rabbit, Pamela is dressing as Alice, and Louise wants to be the Mad Hatter. If the guys will consent we want to dress them up as playing cards.
Joe and I are going to a Halloween party Friday the 26th, and I think I might try to do Evan Almighty. I'd just need a man's suit from the thrift store, fake hair and beard, white paint for bird poop, and pairs of little plastic animals hot-glued to the suit. It's an idea, anyway. Nathan says he just wants to give out candy this year. I think that's a good idea; we never eat all the candy he gets anyway! We still have a bowlful left over from last year and probably most of it needs thrown out.
We got into a discussion last night -- and I thought I'd told him all this already -- about how I and my siblings never had Christmas, birthday parties, trick-or-treating, even Easter. We started out talking about childhood toys (the earliest toys I remember were my teddy bear named Georgie Porgie, and my dolly named Thumbkins), then I said how my mother made those stuffed animals for us when we were young: Timothy, a purple elephant with yellow ears; Wanda, a red elephant with pink ears; me, Tuffy the Tooth; Sabrina & Melissa, that yellow giraffe they called "Mr. Mooney."
I said that she was quite creative in her day; she made curtains for that bookcase that we fashioned from an old dresser. She made appliqués from cookie-cutters and stitched them to the curtains. "Stars, hearts, gingerbread men, bells," I began, and Joe mentioned "Christmas trees..." I said, "Oh, no. We had nothing to do with Christmas trees. Those were PAGAN."
That's how the whole conversation started. He was dumbfounded with disbelief. "Really? REALLY? Wow. " he'd say. I told him we kept the Passover and the feasts and the holy days outlined in the Old Testament. So then he thought that we disregarded the New Testament. No, I said, we believed that even the NT Christians kept the OT holy days (at least that's how I understood it).
We talk pretty openly about religion. He asked me what I thought of his mom's church. It's a Baptist church; we went a couple months ago for the "going away" service/dinner for their pastor of 7 years. It was a small congregation, maybe 50-75 people, and it was mostly elderly people; not many teens or young couples with children. So that's what I said: "Seems like it's mostly elderly people that go to church anymore." His response: "They're studying for the Final Exam." Haha, how witty.
Past the Honeymoon Stage
October 15, 2007
Friday Joe and I went to our friend Sam's 40th birthday party, at the American Legion Hall in Edmond. It was fun – lots of food, all the friends, we even had karaoke. I got to feeling a little crowded in, which I should have expected. I can't stand to be around a lot of people, I get claustrophobic in crowds.
But also, I was frustrated that Joe was sitting so close to me that I could hardly move my chair back to get up when I needed to. He can be a tad clingy. I wanted to tell him to “scoot over!!” But I didn’t want to be rude, especially in front of so many people. He kept saying, Are you OK, do you want this, do you need that. And I just wanted him to leave me alone and quit babying me.
It’s in his nature to be a caretaker, and most of the time I love and need the attention. But sometimes it drives me nuts how he feels he has to come to my rescue every time he hears a peep from me. I am not helpless. I am a grown woman! Then finally I just had to go outside and be by myself. Wouldn’t you know it, he followed me out there. He needs to be needed. And I need breathing space.
So I think I’m moving past the honeymoon stage. Don’t know about him, but my attitude is changing. I’m getting to where I don’t want him around as much. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, just means times are changing. When I said Nathan and I would be driving out to Georgia to visit my relatives for Thanksgiving, his response was, "What am I going to do without you for a week?” And I’m like, get over it. You’re a grownup. I'm not your entertainment coordinator.
Am I growing out of him already? Sure as the world, I’m not compromising my standards or changing my values in life for him. But – it’s still early. I've known him for a mere six months. I can’t look at only what I want to see, I have to see what’s really there. And that takes time.
Friday Joe and I went to our friend Sam's 40th birthday party, at the American Legion Hall in Edmond. It was fun – lots of food, all the friends, we even had karaoke. I got to feeling a little crowded in, which I should have expected. I can't stand to be around a lot of people, I get claustrophobic in crowds.
But also, I was frustrated that Joe was sitting so close to me that I could hardly move my chair back to get up when I needed to. He can be a tad clingy. I wanted to tell him to “scoot over!!” But I didn’t want to be rude, especially in front of so many people. He kept saying, Are you OK, do you want this, do you need that. And I just wanted him to leave me alone and quit babying me.
It’s in his nature to be a caretaker, and most of the time I love and need the attention. But sometimes it drives me nuts how he feels he has to come to my rescue every time he hears a peep from me. I am not helpless. I am a grown woman! Then finally I just had to go outside and be by myself. Wouldn’t you know it, he followed me out there. He needs to be needed. And I need breathing space.
So I think I’m moving past the honeymoon stage. Don’t know about him, but my attitude is changing. I’m getting to where I don’t want him around as much. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, just means times are changing. When I said Nathan and I would be driving out to Georgia to visit my relatives for Thanksgiving, his response was, "What am I going to do without you for a week?” And I’m like, get over it. You’re a grownup. I'm not your entertainment coordinator.
Am I growing out of him already? Sure as the world, I’m not compromising my standards or changing my values in life for him. But – it’s still early. I've known him for a mere six months. I can’t look at only what I want to see, I have to see what’s really there. And that takes time.
Competing with 4 Other Women
October 3, 2007
Good news, Joe gets his LES’s tomorrow. Those are basically his pay stubs from the military. His ex-wife (his first one, that is) is trying to claim child support from BEFORE they were even divorced. He paid support from the divorce up until 1997, when she “disappeared off the face of the earth,” as he puts it.
In June of this year he located her & their daughter, and thought everything was going just fine, until she slapped him with nearly 10 years of back-child support. He’s fighting it. At this point he’s not even sure the daughter is his. He said they were together 4 weeks out of 5 years of marriage, and that she conceived almost as soon as they were married. He said she sure got pregnant awfully fast, for them not being together any more than they were.
They married in Oklahoma, and she refused to move to San Diego with him. She wanted to stay near her mother. She never even made a trip to visit him. So anyway, he’s wanting a DNA test. The social worker said that paternity’s already been established, but I’d like to know how. A name on a birth certificate doesn’t mean anything. [We found out later that according to Oklahoma law, if a child is born within wedlock, then said child is YOURS, regardless of who the biological parents are.]
What if he does wind up paying thousands in back-support? I mean, what about us? He’s already paying $900 a month to his other ex-wife for child support. I was shocked, as it is, to find out he'd been married TWICE. He’s staying with his mother, doesn’t have a home of his own, and I’m sure he helps her out (his stepmother too) financially (as a good son should).
So, no way am I supporting a guy who’s already supporting 4 other women. I’d love for him to live at my house, one day in the future. But I can’t depend on how much he’d be able to contribute to the joint finances. This is maddening. I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to begin merging our lives. But that may not be a possibility.
And what about the moms? They are both widowed and depend on him being there, being the “man of the house.” I asked him last night if they were jealous of the new woman in his life. “A skosh,” he said, which is a colloquialism for "a tad." It's hard for me to comprehend a woman in her 60s depending on her son so much that she is jealous of his new girlfriend.
But then, he is his mom’s only son and practically his stepmom’s only kid who helps her out and gives her any respect. I come from a family of 6 kids, and we each have our own lives. Plus, my mom learned long ago to be independent and “get things done” herself. Myself as well, I’m used to doing everything myself.
It’s hard for me to comprehend a woman who isn’t capable of doing things herself. But then again, Joe's mom and stepmom are of a different generation, one where the man generally “takes care” of things. Anyway, you’d think they’d be happy that he’s met a good woman who loves him dearly and has a good head on her shoulders – not like his ex-wives.
Good news, Joe gets his LES’s tomorrow. Those are basically his pay stubs from the military. His ex-wife (his first one, that is) is trying to claim child support from BEFORE they were even divorced. He paid support from the divorce up until 1997, when she “disappeared off the face of the earth,” as he puts it.
In June of this year he located her & their daughter, and thought everything was going just fine, until she slapped him with nearly 10 years of back-child support. He’s fighting it. At this point he’s not even sure the daughter is his. He said they were together 4 weeks out of 5 years of marriage, and that she conceived almost as soon as they were married. He said she sure got pregnant awfully fast, for them not being together any more than they were.
They married in Oklahoma, and she refused to move to San Diego with him. She wanted to stay near her mother. She never even made a trip to visit him. So anyway, he’s wanting a DNA test. The social worker said that paternity’s already been established, but I’d like to know how. A name on a birth certificate doesn’t mean anything. [We found out later that according to Oklahoma law, if a child is born within wedlock, then said child is YOURS, regardless of who the biological parents are.]
What if he does wind up paying thousands in back-support? I mean, what about us? He’s already paying $900 a month to his other ex-wife for child support. I was shocked, as it is, to find out he'd been married TWICE. He’s staying with his mother, doesn’t have a home of his own, and I’m sure he helps her out (his stepmother too) financially (as a good son should).
So, no way am I supporting a guy who’s already supporting 4 other women. I’d love for him to live at my house, one day in the future. But I can’t depend on how much he’d be able to contribute to the joint finances. This is maddening. I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to begin merging our lives. But that may not be a possibility.
And what about the moms? They are both widowed and depend on him being there, being the “man of the house.” I asked him last night if they were jealous of the new woman in his life. “A skosh,” he said, which is a colloquialism for "a tad." It's hard for me to comprehend a woman in her 60s depending on her son so much that she is jealous of his new girlfriend.
But then, he is his mom’s only son and practically his stepmom’s only kid who helps her out and gives her any respect. I come from a family of 6 kids, and we each have our own lives. Plus, my mom learned long ago to be independent and “get things done” herself. Myself as well, I’m used to doing everything myself.
It’s hard for me to comprehend a woman who isn’t capable of doing things herself. But then again, Joe's mom and stepmom are of a different generation, one where the man generally “takes care” of things. Anyway, you’d think they’d be happy that he’s met a good woman who loves him dearly and has a good head on her shoulders – not like his ex-wives.
What's Going On Out There
September 26, 2007
Sure, I won't deny it. I spend quite a bit of time on the internet at work, during my down-time. Most of what I read relates to work, careers, the economy, the business world – I think it makes me a better employee because it keeps me abreast of what’s going on “out there.” And who knows when I’m going to stumble on an idea or concept that could have an impact on our department or our business?
I just read an article on Gen Y’ers – I’ve read many of them; I enjoy pondering on the world my son will one day enter. I enjoy studying the different attitudes the different generations have. According to what I’ve read, Generation Y expects their parents to be involved in every part of their life – including recruiting and job interviews. I think that’s crazy. A generation of people who can’t make decisions without mommie or daddie.
Many from my generation (Gen X) are the same way. And the parents let them. I get it, the parents don’t want their kids to go thru the hardships they did. I feel the same way about Nathan. I want to take what opportunity I can to prepare him for adulthood. But, that includes encouraging him to take responsibility for himself and his actions, and to learn to “deal” without my holding his hand. Let him make his own decisions and be responsible for the outcome.
Sure, I won't deny it. I spend quite a bit of time on the internet at work, during my down-time. Most of what I read relates to work, careers, the economy, the business world – I think it makes me a better employee because it keeps me abreast of what’s going on “out there.” And who knows when I’m going to stumble on an idea or concept that could have an impact on our department or our business?
I just read an article on Gen Y’ers – I’ve read many of them; I enjoy pondering on the world my son will one day enter. I enjoy studying the different attitudes the different generations have. According to what I’ve read, Generation Y expects their parents to be involved in every part of their life – including recruiting and job interviews. I think that’s crazy. A generation of people who can’t make decisions without mommie or daddie.
Many from my generation (Gen X) are the same way. And the parents let them. I get it, the parents don’t want their kids to go thru the hardships they did. I feel the same way about Nathan. I want to take what opportunity I can to prepare him for adulthood. But, that includes encouraging him to take responsibility for himself and his actions, and to learn to “deal” without my holding his hand. Let him make his own decisions and be responsible for the outcome.
"Gotta Have A Man" Syndrome
Later, same day
I was reading “Single in the Suburbs” on MSN.com again today. It's a feature-blog about this 40-something divorced lady trying to get back into the dating game after 20 years of marriage. I wonder how much of it is actually true, and how much is just story-telling. Because, if what she says is actually true, that woman is a LOS – ER!
She’s upset that her ex-husband’s life insurance premium is still coming out of her checking account, and she called him to make a deposit to cover it AND the overdraft fee. I agree with that. But he’s arguing with her saying she should have a “cushion” so that she wouldn't have to worry about the occasional expense that will come up.
She said that when she was married she never had to check her bank balance and had no problem at all writing checks for big-ticket items because her husband always kept a healthy cushion in their account. She’d always heard of people living paycheck to paycheck but never thought she’d be one of them. She’s complaining that she can no longer afford a housekeeper and has to do all the house cleaning herself; she can no longer afford to get her nails done; and I don’t remember what else. Well, welcome to the real world!
I am betting that very few average, normal, everyday 40-something moms (single or otherwise) have such luxuries. Most of us have to carefully budget our expenses to make sure our money lasts. And what's wrong with doing your own nails? Why not clean your own house and even *gasp!* have your teenage daughter help? No, she just wants a man around to support her so that she won't have to worry about such trivialities.
In one post she was considering pursuing a man she wasn't even attracted to, for no other reason than that he had a lot of money and he'd be able to take care of her financially. Respect yourself, girlfriend!
Makes me want to write my own “single” column, from someone dealing with REAL issues. This woman symbolizes the epitome of the “gotta have a man” syndrome that permeates single-woman society these days. She’s sacrificing her self-respect just to have a man in her life, because she doesn’t know how to live without one. I have little respect for a woman like that.
Eating Out
September 25, 2007
One day last week Joe and I tried Primo’s, a new restaurant in Yukon. An Italian place. Although the service wasn’t that great, the food was quite good. We had the complimentary bread with olive oil & balsamic vinegar with our pre-dinner drinks. I couldn’t resist ordering the bruschetta for an appetizer. It’s one of my favorite dishes no matter where I go. We both ordered prime rib for our entrees, which came with mashed potatoes – red potatoes, smashed up. They weren’t creamy as with milk and butter, but were dry as if they’d been steamed then simply taken out of the pot, mashed up, and put on a plate – the way I like them. I mixed some of my horseradish sauce in them, and they were quite tasty.
Joe is so spoiling me. He says that’s his job! Isn’t that what a boyfriend’s supposed to do, he once asked? I said I didn’t know. I haven’t had many boyfriends who are worth much. I’ve always craved attention – lots of it. I’ve always needed lots of deep affection, but never got it. From my parents, friends, even from my first husband. I think my deep need for attention and validation was a big reason I had such a difficult time with relationships. But Joe gives me what I need. It’s nice to have a boyfriend treat me once in a while, instead of me doing everything and paying for everything by myself.
It’s also nice to be able to eat at nice places and actually enjoy the menu. Growing up, we “ate out” at the Waffle House and the local Truck Stop. At home, my mother fixed the same foods over and over, out of necessity. She didn't get much chance to try new recipes. My father liked only particular foods and she had to fix what he liked. That was just the way it was.
Still, we got to enjoy eating out at the convention we attended with our church each year. But even then I remember having to always stick with the basics, the plainer and less-expensive foods because we “couldn’t afford” the good stuff. You know, the better, tastier, snazzier menu items. There were always so many things on the menu I wanted to order, but I had to keep my expenditures within a budget. Now, with Joe spoiling me so much, it’s hard NOT to eat what I want when I can. And it’s showing.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
To Be a Writer
August 27, 2007
Yes! I want to be a writer. Years ago in my late teens or early twenties, before I chose accounting as a career, I sort of halfway checked into freelance writing. I don’t think I would have been very successful at that time – I didn’t have the experience or insights that I have now. Also I didn’t have the confidence. But now… I got on the internet to find out what I could about freelance writing jobs. Here’s what I found:
Advantages and disadvantages of freelance writing. Of course the main advantage is that you can work when you want and set your own schedule and not be locked into an 8-5 workday, but conversely the main disadvantage is that the work isn’t steady and you don’t have the comfort of paid vacations and health plans.
Top 5 personality traits of freelance writers: Loner. I’ve been a loner all my life! And love it. Self-motivated. I’ve always been self-motivated, no one has to tell me how to reach my goals. Doggedly determined? I’m a CPA, aren’t I? Mental multi-tasker. I multitask all the time. Persistent. I’ve always been persistent when something is important to me.
Another list names the top 5 periodical markets for your articles. This is a great place to start. The more I read, the more information I’d get in my head, and the more opinions and subjects I could expound on. And you know, if people will watch those sappy reality shows, or read the garbage the tabloids write, or heck, if Sara Katz can have her own column on MSN Dating & Personals (her stuff is no better than anything of mine), I KNOW people will read my work.
Yes! I want to be a writer. Years ago in my late teens or early twenties, before I chose accounting as a career, I sort of halfway checked into freelance writing. I don’t think I would have been very successful at that time – I didn’t have the experience or insights that I have now. Also I didn’t have the confidence. But now… I got on the internet to find out what I could about freelance writing jobs. Here’s what I found:
Advantages and disadvantages of freelance writing. Of course the main advantage is that you can work when you want and set your own schedule and not be locked into an 8-5 workday, but conversely the main disadvantage is that the work isn’t steady and you don’t have the comfort of paid vacations and health plans.
Top 5 personality traits of freelance writers: Loner. I’ve been a loner all my life! And love it. Self-motivated. I’ve always been self-motivated, no one has to tell me how to reach my goals. Doggedly determined? I’m a CPA, aren’t I? Mental multi-tasker. I multitask all the time. Persistent. I’ve always been persistent when something is important to me.
Another list names the top 5 periodical markets for your articles. This is a great place to start. The more I read, the more information I’d get in my head, and the more opinions and subjects I could expound on. And you know, if people will watch those sappy reality shows, or read the garbage the tabloids write, or heck, if Sara Katz can have her own column on MSN Dating & Personals (her stuff is no better than anything of mine), I KNOW people will read my work.
41 and Contemplating a Career Turn
August 9, 2007
Friday is my birthday; I’ll be 41. Nathan, Joe, and I have tickets to see Once on This Island at the Civic Center. For dinner I want to try Cheeseburger in Paradise up on Memorial Road. I didn’t realize this (although I should have) but it’s owned by Jimmy Buffet.
I found their website on the internet and printed out a menu…it looks like such a fun place to visit. I thought it would fit in nicely with the “island” theme. We should all dress tropical for the evening. Normally for the Civic Center I like to dress a little more formally, but this time I’d like to dress for the theme. And I definitely should take the camera and get a few pictures of all of us with the tropical background.
We spent the weekend in Broken Bow, camping and canoeing the Lower Mountain Fork. It was a good trip overall, but I’m glad it’s over. That canoeing for 9 miles wears your arms out. Not even to mention the sun…it’s wise to keep lots of high-power sunscreen handy. We did see lots of wildlife; a raccoon visited our campsite Friday evening. Joe fought a water moccasin from our canoe Saturday near the end of the trip. I’d like to camp out again sometime when we aren’t on a schedule, and just spend the evenings by the campfire.
I think my career needs a change of pace. What I'd really like to do is write, but I'd like to combine that with the nearly-20 years I've spent in the accounting business. I could submit something to CPA Focus, a bi-monthly publication from the Oklahoma Society of CPAs. Something on Statutory Accounting – a primer, maybe, on basic GAAP vs. STAT concepts. Statutory accounting is a niche-market and it's nearly impossible to find literature on the subject. Or, issues facing the industry. Impairments, that is, impaired securities? That’s a hot topic in our office right now, with all the volatility in the stock market. Reinsurance? Or even a bit about a general business-related topic, something applicable to anyone and not just accountants.
A good starting point would be to begin reading up on magazines and current events, mainly the business news. Wall Street plunged 400 points today. Fuel prices have skyrocketed in the past year or so, but have actually dropped recently to $2.50 per gallon for unleaded. Now milk – it’s up to $4 a gallon!! That’s outrageous! The mortgage market is dimming; people aren’t buying as many houses as they were a few years ago.
One idea is to submit a piece our trip to Minneapolis for the IASA Conference, to our company's monthly newsletter. Another is one I have personal experience in, and that is an article on working-mom CPAs. Then I could do a follow-up of working-dad CPAs. I need to keep my eyes and ears and mind open to ideas on what to write about. They could come from anywhere.
Reassessment
July 26, 2007
My 40th birthday brought with it a trip to Philadelphia to see Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, and then to a small town in northwestern Pennsylvania called Titusville to visit my mother's relatives.
It also brought with it a whole new change of mind and attitude! Priorities have been reassessed. I look back to things I wish I'd done differently in my younger years, and, knowing the past can't be changed, I look ahead to how I can make the most of the next 40 years. I wonder where old friends are and wish I'd taken the time to be a better friend to them. I wish I hadn't been in such a hurry to get married the first time. I wonder what my life would be like had I not moved to Oklahoma 13 years ago!
I think about the career path I chose nearly 20 years ago, that of an accountant. I don't regret it; in fact I enjoy it very much. But after 9 months at my current employer, my thoughts move to, "Is this all there is?" I feel I’m not really contributing much anymore. My company is a workers' compensation provider for the State of Oklahoma -- an insurance company. The job is a natural extension of my previous job, accounting for an insurance agency who also manages various insurance companies. After more than 5 years there, there was just not enough work on a CPA level for me to do.
So for the first 6 months at my current job, I was so enthusiastic and thrilled to be here. I wanted to accomplish and contribute so much. I couldn't wait to parlay my experience and skill set into an exciting new job (not to mention, to impress my new boss with what I could do!). But the new has worn off. It all seems so routine now. That’s how I came to feel at my old job. How can I make more meaningful contributions to this insurance company?
Pamela, our new administrative assistant, has lunch in the breakroom (unlike anyone else in the department except myself) so she and I got to talking. She’s only been here a couple weeks but near as I can tell, she’s recently out of college so she’s maybe 25 or younger. She’s got a boyfriend in the Armed Forces. She recently moved over from Santa Fe and has an apartment on the west side of town. She’s a psych major…and we got to talking about drugs and learning behaviors and personality differences and children and school and eventually board games. She likes to read, and thought about majoring in English but what the heck can one do with an English degree. She likes to write and has so many interests. I feel like we have a lot in common, on an academic level. She’s at the age where anything is possible and the roller coaster that life can be hasn’t come her way yet. I remember being young with my whole life to look forward to.
But in just talking to her I remembered how much I once loved school and education and learning. Suddenly I felt so ordinary, working a desk job when so many thoughts and ambitions permeate my mind continually. I mean, I like accounting and I have to make a living. But, if I’d been able to go to college and be a student in my 20s in the traditional manner, how much more could I have done or accomplished? I always had so many interests and ideas and things I wanted to do and learn.
I wasn’t of the sort of family where my parents could or would support me while I figured myself out. I had to buy a car and earn a living. All I thought about was wanting to get married; I always thought Mr. Right would “rescue” me one day and I’d have someone to support me. It took a while for it to occur to me to map out my own life instead of waiting for someone to do it for me. I figured life out the hard way. That’s OK, in retrospect; I’ve learned so many valuable lessons along the way.
All this has brought me to reassess what I'm doing with the life I've been given. Maybe I could take some French classes and expand on the basic bits of the language I learned in high school. Perhaps I could take piano lessons and learn to actually play rather than just pick out notes. I would love to work with young children in some way.
Opportunities are everywhere. I’ve got so much more to offer than I ever gave myself credit for. Life is about so much more than earning a living and paying bills.
Spoiling Me
July 20, 2007I realized how stupid and childish I was being, and got over being angry. In a way I’d hoped he’d come over and spend the night Friday, and stay for breakfast on the patio Saturday morning. But as the day wore on I thought how it was OK that he didn’t come over, that I had some quiet time to myself. Nathan's Dad brought him over about 11:30 and we went about our day as usual. I pulled weeds by the back fence and planted 2 of the azaleas I bought before going to Minneapolis. Later in the evening I had Nathan help pull weeds while I trimmed the grass around the patio.
Finally I called Joe about 9:30 at night…he’d worked in concessions at the swap meet all day, in the heat (it was in the 90s and very humid), and poor cabana boy was zonked out. He did come over Sunday to go with me to Lowe’s to pick out a storm door. He was going to install it for me, but I had to special order the color I wanted, so it’ll be 2 weeks before it gets here.
We ate at Rib Crib … he made me laugh so much all weekend! He has all these stories to tell from his service in the Navy, plus we have so much fun together anyway. I don’t know when I’ve had such a good time with someone. After dinner we drove down to Earlywine Park on SW 119th for a Twilight Concert, but not before stopping at the sno-cone stand. I got a pina colada. Good taste, but too sweet and syrupy. Ran into our friend Bill at the concert. We didn’t get there until about 7:30, so we didn’t get to sit and enjoy the music for long (it ended by 8:30).
Joe came over again Wednesday after bowling. I had called him a little after 8:00 when he was on the 2nd frame of his 4th game, and I asked him how many errands did he have to run before coming over. I wanted have a realistic idea of what time I could expect him, so as not to be disappointed this time. He said none, he has cleared his schedule for the evening. He got there about 9:30, and after a dinner of chicken teriyaki he rubbed my back and shoulders. I was beginning to get a tension headache from being so tense and tired.
Today when he called at work (he generally calls during his lunch, between 11:30 and 12:00, and sometimes at his morning or afternoon break) I jokingly asked, “When are you going to come mow my lawn?!” I said I was just kidding; he’s gotten me spoiled. He said he likes spoiling me, but I reminded him that he took care of his ex-wife for 6 years and now he’s taking care of 2 moms, and I refuse to be another person for him to take care of. After all, I've lived on my own and supported myself for 5 years. He said that I spoil him too; and I responded that I just try to treat him as well as I’d like to be treated.
Tea and Cookies and Disappointment
July 12, 2007
Joe & his mom served me up tea and cookies. Fern is a very nice lady; the quintessential kind, gracious “mom.” Spending most of her adult life working in restaurants and waiting tables has taken its toll on her knees, and even at the not-old age of 64 she requires a walker to get around. Raised Catholic, she teaches a Sunday School class at a Baptist Church now, and is a faithful Christian lady to this day. She was adopted; her parents couldn't have children so they were older when they got her. Her dad had wanted a girl and her mom had wanted a boy; dad won out and one day back in the 1940s they came home with little Fern.
The three of us made conversation for a while after which Joe and I did some makin’ out in the kitchen. It was fun. Like being a teenager again! I kept worrying his mom would walk in. But hey, he’s 44, I guess her boy can do what he wants.
I stayed later than I should have (after all, it was a work night) and finally got home about 11:30. We’d talked about him coming over the next day after I got home from work, since Nathan is with Dad this week and neither of us had other plans. He gets off work about 3:30 and said he had some errands to do, but would probably have them done by the time I got home at 6:00. Cool, I thought, tomorrow evening we can pick up where we left off tonight.
I almost expected Joe to already be there when I got home Thursday. He wasn’t, so I called him to let him know I was home now and he could come over anytime. He said something about having to get “motivated.” Motivated? You’ve got a girlfriend over here just waiting for you to run your hands all over her body, and you need more motivation than that? I thought. At any rate, I expected him to be over in about 30 minutes; certainly within an hour.
I waited for 2 hours. TWO HOURS. Finally I called to see if everything was alright, and by the time he got to my door, I’d lost interest in even seeing him. Oh, he had to take something to his stepmom or pick up something for her or something. But he never apologized or acted like he was sorry for making me wait. Oh, and of course he smelled like nicotine. I have known since that night at Crabtown that he was a smoker, but he said he was "trying to quit." Besides, he knows my feelings about smoking. One of my first rules when we began dating was that he was to never smoke at my house and never around myself or Nathan.
I felt as if he didn’t really want to see me. I felt neglected. I tried acting pitiful, saying, “I thought you forgot about me.” No response. Later I tried a more direct approach: “It really upset me that it took you so long to get here.” Apparently the point still did not get across! When he asked me if I was going to miss him the next day or would I be too involved in work, I hesitantly replied, “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if you’re going to miss me?” he said.
“Well, I missed you today then it took you 2 hours to get here,” was my response. It takes me a while to get my thoughts together and figure out what to say. But what I need to say is this: If you make me wait for an hour or more again without at least calling, don’t expect me to stick around.
Nevertheless we watched the 1930 version of All Quiet on the Western Front on Turner Movie Classics, and he spent the night then left for work about 5:00 in the morning. It rained pretty hard and the power blipped out about 4:00. I felt no passion or interest the whole night. I just didn’t care if he were there or not. I was so disappointed.
So tonight he’s taking Veronica (his stepmom) out for her birthday, to Olive Garden then to a movie, probably Harry Potter. Not sure why I wasn’t invited, but I’ve never met her anyway so I would probably feel out of place. So I’m meeting friends for a Happy Hour tonight, and although Joe and I talked about hooking up afterward, I may go to a party afterward. I’m not planning my life around a guy, especially one who makes me wait for 2 hours.
Joe & his mom served me up tea and cookies. Fern is a very nice lady; the quintessential kind, gracious “mom.” Spending most of her adult life working in restaurants and waiting tables has taken its toll on her knees, and even at the not-old age of 64 she requires a walker to get around. Raised Catholic, she teaches a Sunday School class at a Baptist Church now, and is a faithful Christian lady to this day. She was adopted; her parents couldn't have children so they were older when they got her. Her dad had wanted a girl and her mom had wanted a boy; dad won out and one day back in the 1940s they came home with little Fern.
The three of us made conversation for a while after which Joe and I did some makin’ out in the kitchen. It was fun. Like being a teenager again! I kept worrying his mom would walk in. But hey, he’s 44, I guess her boy can do what he wants.
I stayed later than I should have (after all, it was a work night) and finally got home about 11:30. We’d talked about him coming over the next day after I got home from work, since Nathan is with Dad this week and neither of us had other plans. He gets off work about 3:30 and said he had some errands to do, but would probably have them done by the time I got home at 6:00. Cool, I thought, tomorrow evening we can pick up where we left off tonight.
I almost expected Joe to already be there when I got home Thursday. He wasn’t, so I called him to let him know I was home now and he could come over anytime. He said something about having to get “motivated.” Motivated? You’ve got a girlfriend over here just waiting for you to run your hands all over her body, and you need more motivation than that? I thought. At any rate, I expected him to be over in about 30 minutes; certainly within an hour.
I waited for 2 hours. TWO HOURS. Finally I called to see if everything was alright, and by the time he got to my door, I’d lost interest in even seeing him. Oh, he had to take something to his stepmom or pick up something for her or something. But he never apologized or acted like he was sorry for making me wait. Oh, and of course he smelled like nicotine. I have known since that night at Crabtown that he was a smoker, but he said he was "trying to quit." Besides, he knows my feelings about smoking. One of my first rules when we began dating was that he was to never smoke at my house and never around myself or Nathan.
I felt as if he didn’t really want to see me. I felt neglected. I tried acting pitiful, saying, “I thought you forgot about me.” No response. Later I tried a more direct approach: “It really upset me that it took you so long to get here.” Apparently the point still did not get across! When he asked me if I was going to miss him the next day or would I be too involved in work, I hesitantly replied, “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if you’re going to miss me?” he said.
“Well, I missed you today then it took you 2 hours to get here,” was my response. It takes me a while to get my thoughts together and figure out what to say. But what I need to say is this: If you make me wait for an hour or more again without at least calling, don’t expect me to stick around.
Nevertheless we watched the 1930 version of All Quiet on the Western Front on Turner Movie Classics, and he spent the night then left for work about 5:00 in the morning. It rained pretty hard and the power blipped out about 4:00. I felt no passion or interest the whole night. I just didn’t care if he were there or not. I was so disappointed.
So tonight he’s taking Veronica (his stepmom) out for her birthday, to Olive Garden then to a movie, probably Harry Potter. Not sure why I wasn’t invited, but I’ve never met her anyway so I would probably feel out of place. So I’m meeting friends for a Happy Hour tonight, and although Joe and I talked about hooking up afterward, I may go to a party afterward. I’m not planning my life around a guy, especially one who makes me wait for 2 hours.
Old Memories
July 11, 2007
I met Joe at the bowling alley again tonight for his Wednesday night bowling league (he bowled a 190 on his first game!). I got to go to his house and meet his mom afterward this time! I'd wanted to meet her last week after the league but she said she wasn't prepared for company.
Being 40 often enables -- or forces, I'm not sure which -- one to look at things much differently than you would have in the past. Joe's living arrangement with his mother is one such example. After he & his wife divorced and he retired from the Navy, he moved back to OKC from San Diego. He started a new job as a machinist for Wood Group and had planned to buy a house, but soon was hit with thousands of dollars in debt left over by his ex-wife. She is disabled and living on SSI and supporting their kids with the monthly child support she gets from Joe, so it was left up to Joe to pay off those debts. For years I have said that I wouldn't get involved with a guy who isn't financially stable (or who lives with his mother), but I've had to look at the big picture and realize that 1) he didn't create those debts, and 2) he is taking the responsibility of paying them off just as quickly as possible. Therefore rose the necessity of him staying with his 64-year-old widowed mother until he can get on his feet.
They live down in the Del City area in a small brick house in an addition that has seen better days. Joe tells me that his mom and her 3rd husband, Charlie, bought and lived there up until Charlie died in 1999. It was a nice neighborhood, he says, when they first moved in. And now it is his mother's "home" and she doesn't want to leave.
Just being in the Mid-Del area brings back so many bad memories. Well, not really bad memories, but let’s just say I’m glad I moved out of that area. After work this Wednesday evening, I drove south on Lincoln Blvd. down Reno Ave., past Scott Street and Burk Drive where my ex-husband and I lived for 7 years. Those were dark years. The marriage was not a happy one, and the area was not the nicest of neighborhoods, but I endured for as long as I could.
Eastward down Reno I drove past a closed establishment called “city beach.” At that place once stood The Landing, a fairly nice restaurant that served things like pheasant, where Mike and I tried out once upon receiving a half-off coupon in the mail. I drove past Sunnylane and the Bingo Hall where Joe and his mom go, which used to be a church, I think. I drove past the convenience store which has changed names numerous times, where I would stop at for gas or a snack before driving to UCO in Edmond in the evenings. I had begun attending the University of Central Oklahoma in 1997 during the evenings while working during the day. In 1998 and 1999 I stayed home with 2-year-old Nathan during the day before going to class at night. We didn't have much money, and those were tough times. But I was determined to complete my Accounting degree as quickly as possible.
I drove past the 7-11 at Sooner Rd. where we stopped for gas on the way home from the hospital when I broke my left knee in a hit-&-run accident. That was November of 1996, and it's amazing I remember anything at all, I was so doped up with Demerol. I drove past My Baby Resale in that little Sooner Marketplace shopping center, where I used to buy many of Nathan’s clothes when he was a baby. I remember being there about 11:00 on a Saturday morning with Nathan. It was around his naptime, and he was tired and crying and VIOLENT to the point of hitting me because I wouldn’t let him play on the toys in there. He would get that way when he hadn’t had his nap. I drove past what is now Anthony’s TV & Appliance which used to be a Kmart, and a Venture before that. I drove past the car wash I used to frequent (I could wash my car for $3 --12 quarters!) and the YMCA around whose track I would walk during the evenings.
As I neared Air Depot, suddenly Heritage Park Mall was on my left. I took Nathan on his first trick-or-treat trip there; he was 5 years old and dressed as Superman. Mike had to work that night so he missed it (some things never change). I remember eating that night at the Chick-Fil-A inside the mall. I had always gotten my hair done at the Mastercuts down the way. For a time I had a booth at the craft mall which had been fashioned out of a department store which was no longer in business. I had hoped to make a little money while I wasn't working, but the venture proved unsuccessful. One day while Christmas shopping, I ran into Hunter, a classmate from Rose State, at Waldenbooks.
I made a right turn and headed south on Air Depot Blvd. to look for a place to pick up a quick dinner before meeting Joe at the bowling alley. I passed what used to be the Winchell’s where I had picked up a box of donuts to share with the office at MBSI the day I lost my job in 1995. About a block further down was the gym, All American Fitness Center, where I would work out at in the mornings. I’d go work out before Mike and Nathan were up and take my shower there because Mike would be in the shower by the time I got home, and if I waited for him, I’d be late to work.
Finally I stopped at Subway near 15th Street, across from the old Hobby Lobby I spent so much time in. And where was that Furr’s Cafeteria we’d go to? It was somewhere back behind the Kinko’s I’d frequent to fax letters and resumes when I was job hunting, or use the computer while I was a student at UCO. And ahhh, the old Checquers restaurant. Somewhat of a sports bar, the walls were hardwood and the interior had a bit of a musty smell. I do remember they had a good mushroom & swiss burger. Mike liked that place real well; also I remember eating there before an interview I had with International Environmental near Meridian and I-40. That place was old, dark, and cramped. I'm glad they never called me back.
After having my sandwich at Subway, I turned south again on Air Depot to 15th Street. On the corner, now a CVS Pharmacy, stands what was the Eckerd Drug I’d get prescriptions from and have pictures developed at. Westward on 15th, I passed Traub Elementary where Nathan’s first t-ball team had pictures taken. Further down toward Sooner Rd. was the recovered strip of land that was blown away by the May 3, 1999 tornadoes. Of course I drove past Sooner Rose Elementary, where Nathan went to kindergarten. I wonder if he even remembers it. Just west of Sooner Road on the left was a Wal Mart Supercenter. That’s new! Certainly wasn’t there when I moved out in November 2001. Then, just before underpassing I-40, was the old Mega Market, or Beachler’s IGA, depending on what time frame you’re talking about. Lots of grocery runs were made there – it was just so much closer than Crest Foods.
Finally I reached Sunny Lanes, the bowling alley. The old memories are behind me. Now there are new memories to be made.
I met Joe at the bowling alley again tonight for his Wednesday night bowling league (he bowled a 190 on his first game!). I got to go to his house and meet his mom afterward this time! I'd wanted to meet her last week after the league but she said she wasn't prepared for company.
Being 40 often enables -- or forces, I'm not sure which -- one to look at things much differently than you would have in the past. Joe's living arrangement with his mother is one such example. After he & his wife divorced and he retired from the Navy, he moved back to OKC from San Diego. He started a new job as a machinist for Wood Group and had planned to buy a house, but soon was hit with thousands of dollars in debt left over by his ex-wife. She is disabled and living on SSI and supporting their kids with the monthly child support she gets from Joe, so it was left up to Joe to pay off those debts. For years I have said that I wouldn't get involved with a guy who isn't financially stable (or who lives with his mother), but I've had to look at the big picture and realize that 1) he didn't create those debts, and 2) he is taking the responsibility of paying them off just as quickly as possible. Therefore rose the necessity of him staying with his 64-year-old widowed mother until he can get on his feet.
They live down in the Del City area in a small brick house in an addition that has seen better days. Joe tells me that his mom and her 3rd husband, Charlie, bought and lived there up until Charlie died in 1999. It was a nice neighborhood, he says, when they first moved in. And now it is his mother's "home" and she doesn't want to leave.
Just being in the Mid-Del area brings back so many bad memories. Well, not really bad memories, but let’s just say I’m glad I moved out of that area. After work this Wednesday evening, I drove south on Lincoln Blvd. down Reno Ave., past Scott Street and Burk Drive where my ex-husband and I lived for 7 years. Those were dark years. The marriage was not a happy one, and the area was not the nicest of neighborhoods, but I endured for as long as I could.
Eastward down Reno I drove past a closed establishment called “city beach.” At that place once stood The Landing, a fairly nice restaurant that served things like pheasant, where Mike and I tried out once upon receiving a half-off coupon in the mail. I drove past Sunnylane and the Bingo Hall where Joe and his mom go, which used to be a church, I think. I drove past the convenience store which has changed names numerous times, where I would stop at for gas or a snack before driving to UCO in Edmond in the evenings. I had begun attending the University of Central Oklahoma in 1997 during the evenings while working during the day. In 1998 and 1999 I stayed home with 2-year-old Nathan during the day before going to class at night. We didn't have much money, and those were tough times. But I was determined to complete my Accounting degree as quickly as possible.
I drove past the 7-11 at Sooner Rd. where we stopped for gas on the way home from the hospital when I broke my left knee in a hit-&-run accident. That was November of 1996, and it's amazing I remember anything at all, I was so doped up with Demerol. I drove past My Baby Resale in that little Sooner Marketplace shopping center, where I used to buy many of Nathan’s clothes when he was a baby. I remember being there about 11:00 on a Saturday morning with Nathan. It was around his naptime, and he was tired and crying and VIOLENT to the point of hitting me because I wouldn’t let him play on the toys in there. He would get that way when he hadn’t had his nap. I drove past what is now Anthony’s TV & Appliance which used to be a Kmart, and a Venture before that. I drove past the car wash I used to frequent (I could wash my car for $3 --12 quarters!) and the YMCA around whose track I would walk during the evenings.
As I neared Air Depot, suddenly Heritage Park Mall was on my left. I took Nathan on his first trick-or-treat trip there; he was 5 years old and dressed as Superman. Mike had to work that night so he missed it (some things never change). I remember eating that night at the Chick-Fil-A inside the mall. I had always gotten my hair done at the Mastercuts down the way. For a time I had a booth at the craft mall which had been fashioned out of a department store which was no longer in business. I had hoped to make a little money while I wasn't working, but the venture proved unsuccessful. One day while Christmas shopping, I ran into Hunter, a classmate from Rose State, at Waldenbooks.
I made a right turn and headed south on Air Depot Blvd. to look for a place to pick up a quick dinner before meeting Joe at the bowling alley. I passed what used to be the Winchell’s where I had picked up a box of donuts to share with the office at MBSI the day I lost my job in 1995. About a block further down was the gym, All American Fitness Center, where I would work out at in the mornings. I’d go work out before Mike and Nathan were up and take my shower there because Mike would be in the shower by the time I got home, and if I waited for him, I’d be late to work.
Finally I stopped at Subway near 15th Street, across from the old Hobby Lobby I spent so much time in. And where was that Furr’s Cafeteria we’d go to? It was somewhere back behind the Kinko’s I’d frequent to fax letters and resumes when I was job hunting, or use the computer while I was a student at UCO. And ahhh, the old Checquers restaurant. Somewhat of a sports bar, the walls were hardwood and the interior had a bit of a musty smell. I do remember they had a good mushroom & swiss burger. Mike liked that place real well; also I remember eating there before an interview I had with International Environmental near Meridian and I-40. That place was old, dark, and cramped. I'm glad they never called me back.
After having my sandwich at Subway, I turned south again on Air Depot to 15th Street. On the corner, now a CVS Pharmacy, stands what was the Eckerd Drug I’d get prescriptions from and have pictures developed at. Westward on 15th, I passed Traub Elementary where Nathan’s first t-ball team had pictures taken. Further down toward Sooner Rd. was the recovered strip of land that was blown away by the May 3, 1999 tornadoes. Of course I drove past Sooner Rose Elementary, where Nathan went to kindergarten. I wonder if he even remembers it. Just west of Sooner Road on the left was a Wal Mart Supercenter. That’s new! Certainly wasn’t there when I moved out in November 2001. Then, just before underpassing I-40, was the old Mega Market, or Beachler’s IGA, depending on what time frame you’re talking about. Lots of grocery runs were made there – it was just so much closer than Crest Foods.
Finally I reached Sunny Lanes, the bowling alley. The old memories are behind me. Now there are new memories to be made.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Fourth of July
July 4, 2007
Joe, Nathan, and I went to our friends' annual 4th of July Pool Party. What a great way to spend the afternoon. We got there about 3:00, and Nathan immediately jumped in the pool. He looks forward to this all year. He stayed there all day except to eat and late in the evening, to play ping pong. I introduced Joe around; a few times, I was asked where we met, so I got to tell the speed-dating story.
When we got home that night (we left about 9:15), he said my friends are cool (of course!) and they were probably wondering what this tattooed rebel-guy was doing there with me. I said that they’re my friends, and he’s my friend, and if they don’t accept him that’s their own problem. He treats me well, does good honest work, and served our country for 20 years. And Nathan likes him.
Oh, and, his ex-wife is paralyzed from the waist down and is in a wheelchair. He met and married her that way. You KNOW that anyone who would voluntarily take on that responsibility is a good-hearted, selfless person.
The Early Days
Spring 2007
So we began dating and getting to know each other:
Friday, April 6. Joe and I met for dinner at Santa Fe Cattle Co on the Southside, then shot a few games of pool at The Clubhouse.
Friday, April 20. Nathan and I met Joe at Texas Roadhouse on MacArthur & I-40, then went to see Meet the Robinsons at the Yukon theater.
Saturday, April 28. He came over to mow the lawn, after which we watched Night at the Museum on DVD, I fixed lunch (tuna helper), and we went to Lowe’s where I picked out a few things for the yard.
Sunday April 29. We all 3 ate at Alfredo’s Mexican Café on Garth Brooks Blvd in Yukon, then went to see Spiderman 3 at the Yukon theater.
Friday May 18. We met in the parking lot at Bass Pro in Bricktown, and went to Don Quixote’s for karaoke and our friend Ted’s 50th birthday.
Tuesday, May 22. He brought his guitar and a bottle of wine to the house, and showed me a few chords and rubbed my feet and back.
Saturday, June 2. The 3 of us went to a car show/auto parts swap meet at Remington Park, after which we ate at Crabtown in Bricktown.
Sunday, June 3. He mowed my lawn the day I flew to Minneapolis. That wasn’t exactly a date.
Sunday, June 10. I invited him over for dinner as a thank-you for mowing the lawn while I was in Minneapolis, but he couldn’t come over that night.
Sunday, June 17. He drove the street rod over for dinner, and brought his shoebox full of pictures. We watched Ghost Rider on DVD, after which he stayed the night.
Friday, June 22. We met for dinner at Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill in Bricktown, then saw Evan Almighty at Harkins Cinema, after which he stayed the night.
Saturday, June 23. We spent the morning together, after which he mowed the lawn and the 3 of us went to a car show in Mustang.
Wednesday, June 27. I met him at Sunny Lanes [bowling alley] in Del City – he played on a bowling league on Wednesday nights. I was his personal cheering section! New rule: every strike gets a kiss. Afterward I’d wanted to go see his house and meet his mom, but she wasn’t ready for company, so we went to my house instead.
Monday, July 2. The 3 of us went to “Red White and Boom” at the Downtown Airpark. A big Independence Day festival by the River.
Friday, July 6. The 3 of us went to Mitch Park in Edmond to see West Side Story, “musical under the stars.”
So we began dating and getting to know each other:
Friday, April 6. Joe and I met for dinner at Santa Fe Cattle Co on the Southside, then shot a few games of pool at The Clubhouse.
Friday, April 20. Nathan and I met Joe at Texas Roadhouse on MacArthur & I-40, then went to see Meet the Robinsons at the Yukon theater.
Saturday, April 28. He came over to mow the lawn, after which we watched Night at the Museum on DVD, I fixed lunch (tuna helper), and we went to Lowe’s where I picked out a few things for the yard.
Sunday April 29. We all 3 ate at Alfredo’s Mexican Café on Garth Brooks Blvd in Yukon, then went to see Spiderman 3 at the Yukon theater.
Friday May 18. We met in the parking lot at Bass Pro in Bricktown, and went to Don Quixote’s for karaoke and our friend Ted’s 50th birthday.
Tuesday, May 22. He brought his guitar and a bottle of wine to the house, and showed me a few chords and rubbed my feet and back.
Saturday, June 2. The 3 of us went to a car show/auto parts swap meet at Remington Park, after which we ate at Crabtown in Bricktown.
Sunday, June 3. He mowed my lawn the day I flew to Minneapolis. That wasn’t exactly a date.
Sunday, June 10. I invited him over for dinner as a thank-you for mowing the lawn while I was in Minneapolis, but he couldn’t come over that night.
Sunday, June 17. He drove the street rod over for dinner, and brought his shoebox full of pictures. We watched Ghost Rider on DVD, after which he stayed the night.
Friday, June 22. We met for dinner at Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill in Bricktown, then saw Evan Almighty at Harkins Cinema, after which he stayed the night.
Saturday, June 23. We spent the morning together, after which he mowed the lawn and the 3 of us went to a car show in Mustang.
Wednesday, June 27. I met him at Sunny Lanes [bowling alley] in Del City – he played on a bowling league on Wednesday nights. I was his personal cheering section! New rule: every strike gets a kiss. Afterward I’d wanted to go see his house and meet his mom, but she wasn’t ready for company, so we went to my house instead.
Monday, July 2. The 3 of us went to “Red White and Boom” at the Downtown Airpark. A big Independence Day festival by the River.
Friday, July 6. The 3 of us went to Mitch Park in Edmond to see West Side Story, “musical under the stars.”
The Good Girl
June 21, 2007
I realized sometime after the conference in Minneapolis, that I was beginning to have feelings for Joe. I’d thought he was losing interest because he didn’t seem to be calling me as much. You see, I had told him after we got home from a movie one night, that just to be sure there were no misunderstandings, I wasn't interested in being exclusive right now. So he backed off.
That was a turning point in our relationship; his "backing off' made an impression on me because it showed that he was listening and was willing to honor my wishes. It made me actually want him MORE. And when my company sent me on a 4-day conference in Minneapolis in early June, I found myself missing him.
Darn it, I didn't want to, but I liked him!
Finally one Sunday (Father’s Day) Joe, a classic car enthusiast, drove his 1930 Model A over, and I fixed dinner. He had brought the movie Ghost Rider, along with a shoebox full of pictures, from his childhood, teen years, some from his 2nd marriage and some from the Navy. He even has some shots of Korea and Japan in there. My 10-year old son Nathan was with me, and his dad had called to say he’d try to pick him up early. Secretly, I had hoped he would, so Joe and I could spend some time together!
I really enjoyed the back/foot rub Joe had given me a few weeks ago when he brought over his guitar and a bottle of wine, and secretly longed for more. I wanted to be in his arms. I told myself I wasn’t ready for sex yet, but then I thought, Why not? So anyway, Nathan's dad picked him up about 8:15. After dinner, I turned down the livingroom light and Joe and I watched Ghost Rider in the dark. We started holding hands, which moved to snuggling, which moved to making out….he likes to touch and I like being touched. He sure knows his way around a girl’s body. Mmmm, I still can’t believe I did all that. Me, the Good Girl.
He left at 4:00 am. We made love, talked, snuggled, and might have even gotten a little sleep. He said, “So you’re going to keep me around?” To which I replied, “For a little while, anyway.”
We both know we’ve got a lot to learn about each other. So I guess we’re officially dating now. Who’d’ve thunk it. Me, dating a retired navy man.
I realized sometime after the conference in Minneapolis, that I was beginning to have feelings for Joe. I’d thought he was losing interest because he didn’t seem to be calling me as much. You see, I had told him after we got home from a movie one night, that just to be sure there were no misunderstandings, I wasn't interested in being exclusive right now. So he backed off.
That was a turning point in our relationship; his "backing off' made an impression on me because it showed that he was listening and was willing to honor my wishes. It made me actually want him MORE. And when my company sent me on a 4-day conference in Minneapolis in early June, I found myself missing him.
Darn it, I didn't want to, but I liked him!
Finally one Sunday (Father’s Day) Joe, a classic car enthusiast, drove his 1930 Model A over, and I fixed dinner. He had brought the movie Ghost Rider, along with a shoebox full of pictures, from his childhood, teen years, some from his 2nd marriage and some from the Navy. He even has some shots of Korea and Japan in there. My 10-year old son Nathan was with me, and his dad had called to say he’d try to pick him up early. Secretly, I had hoped he would, so Joe and I could spend some time together!
I really enjoyed the back/foot rub Joe had given me a few weeks ago when he brought over his guitar and a bottle of wine, and secretly longed for more. I wanted to be in his arms. I told myself I wasn’t ready for sex yet, but then I thought, Why not? So anyway, Nathan's dad picked him up about 8:15. After dinner, I turned down the livingroom light and Joe and I watched Ghost Rider in the dark. We started holding hands, which moved to snuggling, which moved to making out….he likes to touch and I like being touched. He sure knows his way around a girl’s body. Mmmm, I still can’t believe I did all that. Me, the Good Girl.
He left at 4:00 am. We made love, talked, snuggled, and might have even gotten a little sleep. He said, “So you’re going to keep me around?” To which I replied, “For a little while, anyway.”
We both know we’ve got a lot to learn about each other. So I guess we’re officially dating now. Who’d’ve thunk it. Me, dating a retired navy man.
First Impressions
March 27, 2007
We met at a speed-dating event hosted at Crabtown in Bricktown in Oklahoma City. It was a Tuesday night. I was nervous but tried to calm myself as I parked my car and headed to the restaurant. I found my assigned table, #4, and sat down. I was early, but soon a guy whose name tag said "Joseph" headed toward my table. I surmised that he was assigned to Table 4 also. Although the event had not officially begun, Joseph and I began to make conversation.
Joseph was a mustachioed, small-framed man of about 5' 6". He was dressed in neatly-pressed jeans, a red long-sleeve button-up shirt (also neatly-pressed), and loafers. He was fun and friendly as we made small-talk about our jobs, our kids, our backgrounds, what we enjoyed doing in our spare time. I learned that he was a machinist, had retired from the Navy after 20 years of being stationed in San Diego, and that he had 2 children. He learned that I was an accountant, had grown up in Georgia, and had one son, and enjoyed camping, hiking, and seeing the occasional stage-play.
Within the next day or so he began emailing me, and we had our first date two Fridays later. I met him at Santa Fe Cattle Company on the Southside, where we dined on Texas-style steaks, baked potatoes, and iced tea while getting to know each other better. Afterward we trekked to a hangout of his, The Clubhouse, a smoky poolhall not far from his home. It was a cold night, and as I recall, he let me wear his leather bomber jacket. I thought that was very gentlemanly.
After a few games of pool I had to step outside a time or two to get fresh air. It was VERY smoky in there, but what could one expect in a poolhall. Although we were having a good time at the pool table, Joe graciously offered to take me somewhere else where I might be more comfortable. His selflessness, and concern for me, impressed me.
They say first impressions are the most important. Joe's consideration and thoughtfulness made a lasting impression on me, and I continued to accept his offers for dates. We always had such a wonderful time together.
But -- he wasn't my type. I'm a CPA; he's a blue-collar worker. I'm a college-graduate; he's a military man. I'm refined; he's rough around the edges. I shop at Talbots and Macy's; he buys all his clothes from Wal Mart!
This relationship surely wouldn't go anywhere. He wouldn't quite fit in with my circle. He was just a fun guy to hang out with.
We met at a speed-dating event hosted at Crabtown in Bricktown in Oklahoma City. It was a Tuesday night. I was nervous but tried to calm myself as I parked my car and headed to the restaurant. I found my assigned table, #4, and sat down. I was early, but soon a guy whose name tag said "Joseph" headed toward my table. I surmised that he was assigned to Table 4 also. Although the event had not officially begun, Joseph and I began to make conversation.
Joseph was a mustachioed, small-framed man of about 5' 6". He was dressed in neatly-pressed jeans, a red long-sleeve button-up shirt (also neatly-pressed), and loafers. He was fun and friendly as we made small-talk about our jobs, our kids, our backgrounds, what we enjoyed doing in our spare time. I learned that he was a machinist, had retired from the Navy after 20 years of being stationed in San Diego, and that he had 2 children. He learned that I was an accountant, had grown up in Georgia, and had one son, and enjoyed camping, hiking, and seeing the occasional stage-play.
Within the next day or so he began emailing me, and we had our first date two Fridays later. I met him at Santa Fe Cattle Company on the Southside, where we dined on Texas-style steaks, baked potatoes, and iced tea while getting to know each other better. Afterward we trekked to a hangout of his, The Clubhouse, a smoky poolhall not far from his home. It was a cold night, and as I recall, he let me wear his leather bomber jacket. I thought that was very gentlemanly.
After a few games of pool I had to step outside a time or two to get fresh air. It was VERY smoky in there, but what could one expect in a poolhall. Although we were having a good time at the pool table, Joe graciously offered to take me somewhere else where I might be more comfortable. His selflessness, and concern for me, impressed me.
They say first impressions are the most important. Joe's consideration and thoughtfulness made a lasting impression on me, and I continued to accept his offers for dates. We always had such a wonderful time together.
But -- he wasn't my type. I'm a CPA; he's a blue-collar worker. I'm a college-graduate; he's a military man. I'm refined; he's rough around the edges. I shop at Talbots and Macy's; he buys all his clothes from Wal Mart!
This relationship surely wouldn't go anywhere. He wouldn't quite fit in with my circle. He was just a fun guy to hang out with.
Believing in Love After 40
Early 2007
Someone once told me -- it was my older sister, I think -- that my forties would be the best time of my life. I would never believe it were I not living it.
Mainly, I had given up on the idea of ever being in a relationship again. Being single for five years after my separation and divorce, and having very little luck dating again, I was ready to accept that love was simply not meant for me.
Oh, it wasn't like I didn't try! I made friends and started getting invited to the parties and happy hours. I played tennis on a social league [OCTA -- Oklahoma City Tennis Association] for a few years. I joined an outdoor group [OKC Outdoor Network] and went on group hikes and camping trips. I grew out of the shell of shyness that had encased me for my nearly-40 years and built a pretty active social life. My calendar was kept full; it certainly wasn't like I was sitting around the house by myself all the time.
But still, most of the 40-something guys I met must have been quite happily single, because though I had many friends -- male and female, single and married -- I rarely had a date. Not even a set-up by one of my married friends or girl-friends.
Well, sometimes life has to hit you on the head with a brick to get your attention. I realized that all my friends from the parties, the happy hours, the group activities, were from the same main group of people. No wonder I never met anyone new -- I hung out with the same people over and over! So, I knew I had to expand my horizons and go outside my comfort zone.
That's when I met Joe. Like I said, I'd given up on the idea of ever being in a relationship again, and Joe was just a nice guy, just a fun guy to hang out with. It won't go anywhere, I told my friends. He's not my type at all.
Someone once told me -- it was my older sister, I think -- that my forties would be the best time of my life. I would never believe it were I not living it.
Mainly, I had given up on the idea of ever being in a relationship again. Being single for five years after my separation and divorce, and having very little luck dating again, I was ready to accept that love was simply not meant for me.
Oh, it wasn't like I didn't try! I made friends and started getting invited to the parties and happy hours. I played tennis on a social league [OCTA -- Oklahoma City Tennis Association] for a few years. I joined an outdoor group [OKC Outdoor Network] and went on group hikes and camping trips. I grew out of the shell of shyness that had encased me for my nearly-40 years and built a pretty active social life. My calendar was kept full; it certainly wasn't like I was sitting around the house by myself all the time.
But still, most of the 40-something guys I met must have been quite happily single, because though I had many friends -- male and female, single and married -- I rarely had a date. Not even a set-up by one of my married friends or girl-friends.
Well, sometimes life has to hit you on the head with a brick to get your attention. I realized that all my friends from the parties, the happy hours, the group activities, were from the same main group of people. No wonder I never met anyone new -- I hung out with the same people over and over! So, I knew I had to expand my horizons and go outside my comfort zone.
That's when I met Joe. Like I said, I'd given up on the idea of ever being in a relationship again, and Joe was just a nice guy, just a fun guy to hang out with. It won't go anywhere, I told my friends. He's not my type at all.
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